She Gave Me Words, I Gave My Heart
by myonlyheroin
Summary: I found her in fic. I joined her in fandom. I learned from her and about her through the words she gave, but I'd be damned if I let her slip through my fingers in real life. EPov. AH.
1. Prologue

**So, guys, another new story from me, though, to warn, I think this one may be my angstiest one yet. I do hope you guys stick it out with me. And as always, I do promise an HEA. I am going to try to post on this one every day, or every couple of days. As for ADSP, I will be updating that this week. **

**Thank you to kyla713 for looking this over. And Packy, Heather and Nikki for reading and telling me it isn't crap.**

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**Prologue**

We all have our escapes when it comes to our everyday lives. Whether it be to stay sane, de-stress or satisfy your thirst for something more. For me, it was the something more. I needed to lose myself in an alternate world - some place that another person had created. All I wanted was to forget my real life for a little while.

And I always was able to lose myself in browneyedgirl, or rather, Bella's, worlds she created through her fanfictions every night when I came home. She wrote beautifully, and captured some of my favorite characters in ways I wished the author had. She had so much talent, and I swear with every update she posted, she stole a tiny piece of my soul every time.

I'd find myself re-reading her stories on the L to and from work just about every day. I simply could not get enough of her words.

They consumed me, and my every thought.

But I never thought I'd ever see the day that her words would stop. There I was, on the train into work, a thirty-six year old man on the verge of tears.

I needed her words like the air I needed to breathe.

I read her update again and again, and when I reached her author's note, my throat tightened with emotion.

_To my dear kind readers, friends and lurkers: _

_It pains me to write this to you, especially after all my years in the fandom, but this will be my last story and update... For now. I can't say I won't be back. Never say never, right? But I don't feel good, and just don't have the energy to do this right now._

_I can't thank you guys enough for reading, reviewing and talking to me. It's helped me through some bad times. But now? Now, times are darker, harder. I'll be somewhat around. You can find me on my blog, the link is in my profile. I'll try to update as often as I can. I love you guys and this fandom._

_Bye._

_Bella._

I knew deep down there was more to it, and my heart was nagging at me to find out. I had to.

**To:Swan**

**From:Cullen**

_Bella,_

_My heart is saddened by this news. You know how much your stories mean to me as well as how much you mean to me. You've never kept something from me before you told the fandom. Please know that I'm here for you. Please text, email, Skype, ANYTHING._

_E._

I sent off the email with a heavy heart full of worry for my friend. It didn't matter that we lived miles away, in different states or have never met. She was still a friend, no matter what.

I came across her stories after I finished the Harry Potter series, and just wasn't ready to say goodbye to those characters yet, so I Googled and came across her fanfiction. I messaged her after every single chapter she posted, and I even joined twitter as a way to get closer to the fandom. Somewhere along the way, we slowly became friends. That was a few years ago, and I haven't regretted it since.

My fingers tapped against my mobile as I anxiously awaited her reply. I only hoped her next email to me would calm the storm in my heart.

***.***

**So, thoughts so far?**


	2. Chapter 1

**So, I forgot to put a disclaimer on the prologue, since I was so excited to just post. So here it is. These characters are not mine. No copyright infringement intended. Now, hope you guys enjoy this update, a little bit of look at before the events in the prologue. **

**I can't get over how well this story has been received so far, so thank you so much, guys! And just so you know, this chapter is kind of based on my first dealings with entering the fandom. **

**Thanks to Kyla713, Packy and Heather. **

**Enjoy! **

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Fandom.

I never gave much thought to what being in a fandom could be like. It never crossed my radar. Sure, I loved Transformers, G.I Joe, Star Wars growing up, but not once did I consider myself to be in an actual fandom. Not like how it was when I gave in to all things Harry Potter.

You see, I was completely late on the Harry Potter train. Medical school didn't exactly give me much free time in between studying, labs and then working my hours at the hospital. My free time mostly consisted of sleep, whenever and wherever I could get it.

But three years ago, that all changed. Three years ago, I knew just how special being in a fandom could actually be. I was forced to take a vacation; I apparently was working too many hours in the ER. I had about two weeks off, all to myself and no clue what to do with it.

I got home late that evening after finishing my shift, turned on my television and came across the first Harry Potter movie. I sat there and watched, completely enthralled. After it was over, I was hit with the craving for more. I needed more.

The next day I found myself, a thirty three year old man, in a bookstore with my arms full of all of the Harry Potter books, all in hardback, of course. I didn't even bat an eye at the price tag of the box set. I just knew I needed them.

I felt like a kid in an arcade with how much excitement was coursing through me as I picked up the first book. I read it in less than six hours. I found that somehow Harry, Hermione,Ron and Hagrid had all wormed their way into my heart.

The first week home, I had devoured the first 4 books, and somehow survived the death of Cedric Diggory. I was surprised how such a secondary character could have such an impact on me. But I think it was the manner in which he died that got to me. It simply wasn't fair.

With books five and six and countless deaths -I'm not even ashamed to admit that I cried my eyes out when Sirius died in The Order of The Phoenix. I raged to myself that Rowling could have kept him in. After all, he was the only one close to family Harry had left. But no death would have an impact on me as Dumbledore's did. I simply wasn't ready for it. I didn't want it to happen, even though deep down, I knew that it was bound to happen.

And with every book, my hate for Voldemort grew and grew, though I had an inkling to just how it would all end, and my own theories on the horcruxes. The last book just about ended me. I had become so attached to the characters, that each new death brought on heartache and tears as if I was losing a dear, close friend of mine. And in a way, I was. Especially when Hedwig died. My love for animals made it harder to come to terms with the death of Harry's owl.

In the space of a week, and many lost hours of sleep, the books had become a part of me. So, when I turned that last page in The Deathly Hallows, my heart was bursting, but felt empty at the same time.

I needed more. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Harry or Hogwarts, Hogsmeade and even Malfoy. I laid the books down and pulled my laptop on to my lap and Googled alternate endings. I was struck with curiosity each time fanfiction kept coming up. I have heard of it over the years, but never truly read any, and was oblivious to just how popular it was.

One link in particular: Through The Mirror of Erised by Browneyedgirl. I clinked on it. And it was the click the changed everything for me. I stayed up well into the night reading every chapter she had posted, and then I took the plunge and made myself a fanfiction account.

In a way, I felt kind of foolish. I felt way older than I should have felt, and I was probably reading the words that some high school kid wrote. But I had to send her something, anything just to let her know how much I really enjoyed her words.

**To: Browneyedgirl**

**From:ECullen**

_Hello,_

_I feel like I have to message you after reading all that you have posted of your newest story. I haven't even slept yet, nor have I reviewed, but I do plan to. Your words grabbed a hold of me and refused to let me go. Is it wrong I just want to beg for another update?_

_This fanfiction is my first, and I'll be honest, I just finished the books as well, but you have such an amazing skill for storytelling. I just wanted to let you know that I am glad I came across this, and I will be reading everything you have posted._

_Thank you for writing._

_E. Cullen._

Surprisingly, it didn't take long for her to reply. I had just crawled into bed at four in the morning when my phone pinged with a reply.

**To: Ecullen**

**From: Browneyedgirl**

_Hi!_

_I can't begin to tell you how much this message made me smile, and the fact that I was your cherry popper into the fandom! __*** laughs* **__So, Ecullen, welcome to the fandom! I am so glad you are enjoying what I have posted, and I hope you continue to enjoy the rest! I even have a new Dramione fic I am working on. Hopefully, that is something you will be interested in._

_Thank you so much for reading! And if you ever need recs, I can send you a lot of them. Also, seeing as you're new, have you joined twitter? A lot of the fandom is on there, and its easier to find authors and new stories, among lots of other things._

_Feel free to message me anytime._

_B_

Thus, began our interactions. I emailed her back, asking for recommendations for new fics the next day. I was hungry for more, and she gladly supplied. She even schooled me on the different pairings and genres. I quickly found myself immersing in the Harry Potter fanfic world and joined Twitter, which led me to meet more people in the fandom. I also watched all of the movies before my vacation was over.

Every time my cell phone pinged when I went back to work, I found myself sneaking to see who updated what, or who messaged me. It quickly became an obsession.

Through our conversations that followed over the next few months, I quickly learned that Browneyedgirl was Bella, an 18 year old college student studying literature in Washington State. What her favorite books were, what authors she liked and fic authors she adored. She was constantly recommending me new things to read. I could barely keep up with her. I enjoyed every interaction we had. It was nice to know that despite distance and it being through the internet, I had friend who had the same amount of love and passion that I had for the books.

We talked just about every day, and if there was a day we didn't get to speak, one of us usually emailed the other.

**To: Ecullen**

**From: Browneyedgirl**

_Where are you? I know it's only been a day, but it feels like it's been longer!_

_B_

I would always smile when I got messages like that from her, and I usually sent her the same when I didn't hear from her.

**To: Browneyedgirl**

**From: Ecullen**

_You see, B, I have this thing that's called a job. *wink * But really, I got called in at two am for a major accident. I'm just coming off of a 24 hour shift now._

_Read me to sleep?_

_E_

I usually said read me to sleep when I wanted a rec, and usually she would give me something to read. It just became our thing. Now, three years later, we've slowly switched out emails and tweets with text messaging. We had become so comfortable with each other, and shared everything, that our friendship just grew.

Our first phone call was... awkward, to say the least. Bella was so shy, and me? Well, I simply had no idea what to sayto her at first. But we ended up talking for hours, well into the morning, until our yawns are what forced us to hang up. We now talked at least once a week on the phone. But I'll never forget her first hello.

I was walking into my apartment when my phone went off. I had told Bella she could call anytime after we exchanged numbers. There was just something exciting about finally putting a voice to her name.

"Hello?" My voice, even to my own ears, sounded shaky.

"H-hello. Edward?"

Bella sounded so nervous, but completely adorable at the same time. After all the months and years that we've talked online, she had no reason to be shy, but putting her voice with her name did something to me deep inside.

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**Thank you for reading! Also, if you'd like, you can find me on twitter. I'm myheroin1 on there.**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey, guys! I am so surprised with how much love this fic has received so far, and I hope you guys stick with me. Here is another chapter, and just so you know, in about five chapters, we will be meeting up with the events prologue again. **

**Thanks to Kyla713 for looking this over and being amazing. Also, thanks to my girls.**

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter 2-

Three years of talking led to us being absolutely comfortable with each other about everything. I don't think we ever kept anything from one another, we were that close. I knew all of her quirks, what made her laugh, sad, mad. Just as she knew what got to me, what made me click, and she always seemed to know just when I needed her.

We were odd that way, but I loved it.

I had just come out of one of the worst surgeries of my career, and the first time a patient had ever died on my table. It wasn't just any patient, either... it was an eleven year old boy that had so much life to still live. It all seemed so unfair. But Bella knew, somehow. She knew I'd need someone.

My phone pinged with a text as I made my way down the hall and into the surgeons lounge just outside of the OR.

**B: Can my best friend in the history of ever spare five minutes for a phone call? ;) I have some news. Good news, great news! Promise!**

I chuckled, pulled up her number and pressed call.

"Hey!" Bella said, excitement clearly showing in her voice.

"You should know by now that I will always have time for you, Bella," I said, finally smiling.

"Well...I figured my Edward could use some pick me ups, so want the news?" she asked, while I stupidly nodded my head, even though she couldn't see me.

"So, as you know, I've been applying to graduate programs all over... and I got an acceptance to one, along with an invite to visit the campus." She sounded so happy and excited. "So, I need some hotel recommendations around northwestern in Chicago, Edward."

My heart was pounding. This was everything I have wanted over the past three years; to be able to meet the girl who had grown to be my best friend, and so much more in my heart, even if she didn't know it yet. I doubted she ever would know... as long as my fears kept a hold on me.

"Really? Northwestern? I am so proud of you, B!" I jumped up, overjoyed with happiness. "And there is no way you are staying in a hotel by yourself. No way at all. You are gonna stay with me. Saves a broke college student money, after all," I said, laughing.

"Are you sure? You wouldn't mind a girl being in your apartment, causing messes?" she said, a giggle followed shortly after.

"Not at all. Email me your flight info and such, and I will pick you up and everything. I really am happy and excited for you, and so damn proud!"

I wished then that I could hug her, could have seen her face when she opened that acceptance letter, since we had talked about her choices for months and where she wanted to go. Ever since she found out I lived in Chicago, she'd become dead set on making her way to Illinois. We'd made plans over the last three years to finally meet face to face, but something would always come up. Like my work, or her dad's health. But now that it was finally happening, I was overwhelmingly happy.

"Well, I'll be going during my spring break, so that's a week to sort things out. But I'll let you know my flight details and such. I hope this news made you smile. I had a feeling it was gonna be a shit day for you."

"Thanks, Bella. You always seem to know."

We hung up shortly after as I walked out of the lounge to do my night rounds before heading home, excitement taking over due to the fact that I was finally going to get to see her in less than two months. My mind was immediately hit with all of the places I could take Bella, and all the fun I hoped we would have.

***.***

Two months later, I found myself waiting at the airport for her flight to land. I was more than an hour early, but I wanted to beat the traffic and be there on time. My hands were shaking in nervousness as I stood there, watching the arrivals board, hoping that somehow her plane would wind up early.

The first time I saw her walking toward baggage claim, I swear my heart wanted to jump out of my chest. We'd exchanged pictures of each other numerous times, but nothing beat the first time she noticed me walking toward her at the baggage claim carousel. Her eyes grew big, her smile radiant, as she ran towards me, colliding into me, giving me the best hug of my life.

I crushed her to me, swaying side to side, completely happy that I finally got to see her, feel her, talk to her face to face instead of through her stories, the phone, texts and emails.

Finally, I looked down at her and kissed her cheek. "So, safe flight?"

She nodded and hugged me again. "It feels so amazing to finally meet you face to face! I've been waiting for this for the last few years. I can't believe we're here."

I grabbed her hand and her bag, leading her out towards parking. Once in my car and buckled up, I turned to her and asked if she was hungry. She shyly nodded, a soft blush graced her cheeks. As I drove, I realized how right it felt to have her there, and we had only been face to face for less than twenty minutes so far. But it was right, and it was perfect.

We decided we'd go back to my place and order in. Exhaustion was setting in on her, and she wanted a shower. Once back at my apartment, I showed her the spare bedroom, the bathroom and let her get settled while I went about ordering us some chinese, hoping she wouldn't mind what I had ordered.

Thirty minutes and a fresh, happy Bella later, our take out showed up just as she sat down on the couch. I handed off the chopsticks and plates to her as I sat beside her. The silence between us wasn't uncomfortable at all.

Eventually, we started talking again once Bella had her share to eat.

"So...I was thinking of writing something based off us, our friendship and fanfiction. What do you think? Cheesy?" she asked, looking at me, smiling.

"No, I think that is kind of cool, though. So, what would be your pairing? Hermione and Draco this time?" I asked, curious.

"Nope," she said, and looked down at her lap. "Draco and Harry." Her eyes went back up to my face, waiting for my reaction.

"Why that pairing? Not that I have anything against slash." I shifted so that my body was fully facing her.

"Well, you are my best friend, Edward. That means so much to me, I want to keep that part for us. So, I think if I made it a female/male pairing, I'd make it more personal, know what I mean? If I make it slash, I'm just basing the way we met on the fic, not on us. I don't know, my reasoning is stupid, I suppose."

I shook my head no, and moved her a loose strand out of the way of her face. "I understand, Bella, and I say go for it. You know I love anything you write." I honestly did; she had yet to really disappoint me with anything she posted.

"Good, then. Not like you had much of a choice. I kind of already posted the first chapter of it right before I boarded my flight." She laughed, and took a drink of her beer.

I quickly checked my email, and sure enough, there was a new story from her in my email. I eagerly clicked it open, noticing that she had dedicated it to me.

"Thank you, Bella." I moved to hug her to me, wrapping her in my arms.

Yawns eventually pulled us apart. I told Bella to head on to bed, that I'd clean up, and that I had a lot of plans for us over the week.

I cleaned and locked up before heading down the hall to my room. Bella was standing outside her door as I walked pass.

"Goodnight, Edward. Thank you for letting me crash here."

"Anytime, Bella. You are always welcome here," I told her before opening my door.

I went in but then turned around, curious about something. "Hey, Bella?"

She opened her door and peaked back out. "Yeah?"

"I've always wondered, but have been too afraid to ask. Why hasn't my age put you off? I thought for sure when I first messaged you that you would tell me to leave you alone."

"Twelve years isn't that drastic, Edward. Plus, hasn't anyone ever told you that age is just number?" She smiled and closed her door.

***.***

**I hope you guys enjoyed! Thank you for reading! **


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys! I hope you all like this update to She Gave Me Words. Thank you all for taking the time to read, review and favoriting. Honestly can't thank you enough.**

**Thanks so much to Kyla713 for looking this over, as well as Packy and Heather for pre-reading. **

**Enjoy! **

***.***

**Chapter 3-**

Over the last few years, it had become habit to check my phone every chance I got, usually within the first few minutes after I woke up. It was no different now that Bella was there. I stretched and tried to listen to see if she was up and about yet, but all I heard was silence. The traveling must have taken a lot out of her.

I grabbed my phone, powered it on and checked my email. Surprisingly, I had a notification of a new blog post from Bella.

_**Monday, March 31st. 7:08am**_

_You know, I've written for many fandoms, ever since I was about fifteen years old, but none have been as special to me as the HP fandom._

_I often find myself questioning what is the point? Why post? Why write? And I think I've found the answer to that question, finally. Even though, ages ago, I had an inkling to what the answer was all along._

_It's the friendships you make and never knew you really needed. You tell yourself that the reason you write, the reason you post your work publicly and don't get paid for it, is really for yourself, for your own enjoyment. But, to be honest, I think that is only part of it. I post to make people happy, to know that someone besides me loved my words._

_But I have a new reason for posting, or I have for awhile now. I finally got to meet that reason after three years of getting to know Ecullen. I got to see one of his smiles after he opened an update to a new story I posted. I got to see his eyes shine the brightest green when he met me at the airport. It made my day, night, life._

_Just like you all do, he makes being in this fandom worth it._

_So thank you, all of you, for taking the time to read what I post. I don't think you ever will know how much it means to me._

_B_

I sat my phone down, my insides yearning to burst out of me. I sat up, rubbed my face, and my smile grew bigger. I couldn't wait to show her around Chicago, and give her more of my smiles, which she seemed to love. I loved her smiles just as much.

Dragging myself out of bed wasn't as hard as it usually was. I was suddenly over-excited for the day and couldn't wait for Bella to get ready and face the day with me. I had plans, lots of plans. Of course, the tour of Northwestern came first.

I knew from previous conversations that she preferred tea to coffee, so I set about making her a cup. Unlike her, I needed my coffee. It was a must-have if I was gonna survive the day.

I set about heating up a few pans for eggs and bacon, cringing when they clanged as I pulled them out of the cupboard below.

"Good morning." I heard the softest, sweetest voice say. I turned around and smiled at Bella. She was dressed in jeans and University of Washington hoodie, her hair tied up.

"Good morning, Bella. Hope you slept well."

Bella nodded, a soft smile adorned her face. "I did, thank you. I may never want to leave that bed behind. It's too comfy!"

I laughed as I put the eggs and bacon into their respective pans. "You're welcome to stay however long you want."

We set about eating our breakfast, conversation was easy and light. Never had I felt so incredibly comfortable with someone as I did with her. She asked about our plans, and confirmed her appointment time at Northwestern. We figured taking the car into Evanston, which was just outside of Chicago, would be easier with how much we wanted to get done that day.

I couldn't help but sneak glances at her while I drove into the city. Her eyes would grow huge as she watched the scenery pass, excitement taking over.

"Shouldn't you be used to huge skyscrapers and crappy traffic?" I asked, joking.

"You'd think so. Seattle is notorious for its crap traffic. But I love skyscrapers. I love seeing a tall building, looking as if its going to pierce the sky. I used to tell my dad that I bet you could see the whole world if you got to the top of a skyscraper. He'd laugh and smile." Bella had a smile on her face as she told me her little story, and I had the sudden urge to grab her hand and hold on to it.

It took ages, but eventually, we found a spot close to Northwestern's campus. I pointed out things I remembered from when I was there as we got out of the car and began walking to where we needed to go. It had been years since I set foot on to the campus myself, but in a way, it still felt like coming home.

I told Bella I'd be happy to wait out in one of the cafes on campus as she did her tour and met with an adviser, but she insisted I accompany her, actually grabbing my hand and pulling me along with her. Her eyes took in everything that the guide was telling her, pointing out specific dorms for grad students, labs and cafes and what not. I could tell she was growing more and more excited the further into campus we went. When it came time for her to meet her adviser, again I insisted on waiting, so I sat outside the advisor's office while Bella met with him. A short time later, she came out full of smiles.

"So, Miss Swan, you think you're ready for Northwestern?" I asked as we sat down for some lunch inside one of the cafes.

"I think so. I'm really excited, Edward! I can't believe I'll be a grad student soon." I loved seeing Bella so animated.

"If you don't mind, we could hit the pier, maybe look around? And then go to dinner? I'm sure you're exhausted after the day you've had."

She shook her head. "Nope, I am up for anything and everything. You need to show me all of what Chicago has to offer if I am to move here soon. "

It did something to me - I don't know what - whenever she mentioned moving to Chicago. I felt warm, happy. I also felt cheesy for feeling this way, but I wasn't going to ignore it.

We left Evanston and began the drive into downtown Chicago and made our way to Navy Pier. Though she might not have expected this to be our first stop, she was happy with my choice.

Bella decided she wanted us to explore the pier first, checking out the stores as we went, eventually stopping into a coffee shop to warm up and relax a bit before heading back out. I managed to talk her into getting on the Ferris Wheel with me. She clung to my hand harder the higher we got. I told her little stories to keep her mind off of the height, but once we made our final descent, she wanted another go, so we bribed the attendant for one more ride. That time, she actually looked out at the skyline when we got to the top. Another smile of hers that I would never forget.

"What do you say to one more stop before dinner, B?"

She nodded and wrapped her arm through mine. "Lead the way, wise one," she said, smiling.

I shook my head and led her to Garrett's popcorn, telling her that it was a must have, and that once she had it, she will want more. It took her a good fifteen minutes to finally choose what she wanted. She ended up getting her dad some, as well.

Bella took my arm again as I led her to my car so we could put our purchases in there while we went and enjoyed dinner. I decided to take her to Riva for our first night, figuring the good seafood would remind her of Seattle, and she'd enjoy her experience.

After the waiter dropped off our drinks and appetizers, Bella asked, "Your comment last night...about your age? What brought that on?"

I sure as hell wasn't expecting that and almost choked on my drink as I took a sip. "I don't know, honestly. I think I was looking for validation that you didn't think our friendship weird, or my age making you uncomfortable. I guess I just wanted to know if it put you off."

"Never, Edward. Never could you put me off. There is something about you that tells me I am with who I need to be."

She left it at that, and I didn't want to read too much into it, but it gave me hope that maybe in time, we could be so much more than we were.

***.***

**Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read. **


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, I hoped to get at least one chapter for one of my stores as a Christmas gift for all of you. I hope you enjoy! **

**Thank you always to Kyla713 for looking it over, and to Heather, Nikki and Packeh. **

***.***

After our perfect day, we came back to my apartment and decided to watch a movie and just relax. I sat there, staring at Bella, noticing her facial expressions as we watched Goblet of Fire. It was an all new experience to watch one of the movies with someone who actually loves them as much as I do.

"Let me guess, you think the dude who plays Cedric is hot, don't you?" I jokingly asked Bella, and sure enough, her blush gave her away.

"I don't know what you are talking about." She turned her head back to the television and I just sat there, stupidly smiling. Half way through the movie, she laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled closer. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, running my fingers slowly in circles. She let out a soft, contented sigh, causing my heart to skip a few beats.

This girl...she owned me and she didn't even know it yet.

"You comfortable?" I asked, as I kissed the top of her head softly.

"Yeah. No place I'd rather be," she said and turned her head up, flashing me a soft smile before she kissed my cheek.

How was I going to let her go to return to Washington? How was I going to convince her to be with me?

Her soft snores soon gave away that she had fallen asleep, so I grabbed the remote and switched off everything and soon joined her in slumber.

I woke up to a soft kiss on my cheek and a giggle. I couldn't help but smile, and I loved that she was the first sight that I saw this morning. Was it wrong that I wished it would be my view every morning?

Sighing, I pulled her closer to me, kissing her the top of her head again, wishing it was her lips instead.

"So, what do we have planned for today?" Bella asked, looking up at me.

"I figured I'd leave it up to you. You've been going non-stop since you got here. Is there anywhere in particular you want to go?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I think I am content just sitting here with you all day, watching movies." Her gaze bored into mine, a soft smile played at her lips and the longer we looked into each other's eyes, the more I yearned to just kiss her.

So I did. I leaned in, my right hand moving her hair from her face as I tilted my head, my lips softly brushing against hers at first, and then softly running my tongue across her bottom lip. The sweet, sharp intake of breath gave away that she wanted this kiss just as much as I had. So, I deepened the kiss, tongues touched, and butterflies took residence in my stomach. It was the sweetest of kisses I'd ever experienced. Without her even knowing, she'd marked me as hers. With a simple kiss, I was a ruined man. I wouldn't have it any other way.

She pulled away and sighed as her beautiful cheeks stained with the softest of blushes. I leaned in again, not at all able to help myself as I kissed both of her cheeks.

"To be honest, I've wanted to do that since the first moment I saw you at baggage claim," I told her as I grabbed her hand and tightly held it in mine. "It was everything and more than I thought it would be."

She shyly ducked her head, her hair hiding her face from me. And I hoped I didn't make a mistake, or pushed her too far.

"Bella..." I started, but she soon cut me off.

"It was everything a first kiss should be, Edward."

_Surely, I wasn't her first kiss, was I?_

She laughed, her eyes glowing with happiness. "Oh, Edward! You adorable, man, you! Sadly, you are not my first kiss _ever_, but I wish you were. That kiss was everything."

I smiled and kissed her again, hoping this was the start of something amazing between us. In the back of my mind, I still worried how I would be able to let her go for all those months until she came back to Chicago to attend Grad school. I could do it, right?

I made breakfast, while Bella went to shower. I marveled at how at home it felt to just be with her. To simply enjoy the day and not worry about patients, work, being called in. She made it so easy to forget the world when I was with her. I hoped the feeling would never disappear.

She came in a short time later, just as I was plating up our breakfast. I made some toast, tea and a simple omelet. Seeing how much tea Bella actually drank, she was quickly converting me from my constant coffee drinking ways.

"I hope you don't mind, but I had to post a chapter I had saved on my other story before I came out. Sorry if it took too long. I think you'll like it, especially the Author's note." She smiled, blushed and went about eating her breakfast.

"This will probably make me sound cheesy as hell, but you know I love your words. I can't get enough of them," I said and looked up at her, my eyes meeting hers. "Almost as much as I can't get enough of you, and honestly Bella, I don't know how I'm going to be able to drive you to the airport in a few days," I admitted, my hand coming up to rub the discomfort I suddenly felt in my chest.

"Edward, let's not worry about that for now, okay? We still have a few days to enjoy, and just think, in a few months, I'll be back to bug you every day. You'll probably get sick of me," Bella said, taking my hand and squeezing it.

"Not possible." I got up, kissed her cheek as I cleared our plates away.

Our day went by faster than I wanted, but we watched movies, talked and made plans for the following days before she did have to leave. Eventually, Bella got up and headed into the guest room to go to bed. I sat on the couch and opened up her latest chapter.

_**A/N: **_**I'm secretly posting this from Ecullen's apartment, and guys, can I just say he's amazing? I don't know how I will be able to leave. He's simply Home now. I don't know why I'm admitting this to you guys, but you're family and well, I know he's reading this. ;) Enjoy the chapter, it's all fluff.**

The smile that now graced my face actually hurt my cheeks. My heart swelled with so much love. Was it silly of me to take pride in her A/N? To know that she was feeling some of what I was feeling?

I got up, headed to my room, only to find Bella waiting in my bed with a smile lighting up her face.

"Surprise?" Bella said, giggling.

I dumbly nodded, went to the bathroom to change into a t-shirt and sleep pants and came back out to crawl into bed with her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back against me, kissing the back of her neck as I settled in.

"The most perfect surprise, Bella."

Falling asleep wasn't hard at all, it was the waking up in the morning next to her again and realizing that I had two more full days with her until she went back home. With that realization, my fears settled in.

***.***

**Merry Christmas to all of you! I hope you all have a fun and safe holiday. Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope you enjoyed!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Sorry it has taken me ages, I blame the holidays. Anyway, one more chapter after this one, and then we will be back at the prologue, just to warn you all.**

**Also, I'd like to think the Fic Sisters for featuring this story on their blog last week, and to Kyla713 for writing that piece on it. It definitely made my day. Thank you to all the new readers that found this story thanks to that blog. I hope you all continue to enjoy.**

**Many thanks to Kyla713 for looking this over. And to my girls for pre-reading.**

**Enjoy.**

***.***

Waking up to Bella wrapped up in my arms, her hair fanned out across my pillow was nothing short of perfection. As I looked down at her, noticing the small smile as she slept on, made me want to have every morning like that - that I would do anything to make it so. I just needed this amazing girl in my arms, and in my bed every night.

I became unsure of myself the more I looked down at her. I wanted to declare that I felt more for her than just a friend, but I knew that I had to let her lead, since she was much much younger than me. I didn't want to lose her, so if I had to remain just a friend for now, I'd do that.

She began to stir, so I decided to pull away and get out of bed. Bella had other plans as she grabbed my hand and tugged, blinking her sleepy eyes awake.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Bella asked, her voice still raspy from sleep.

"Nowhere?" I replied, laying back down and covering back up with the covers.

Her hand slipped across my waist as she pulled herself closer and laid her head on my chest, sighing in contentment. "Good. I'm not ready to let my human heater go anywhere just yet."

I tried to hold back the chuckle that wanted to escape, instead twirled a strand of her hair with my finger. "Well, then, I shall be your willing prisoner."

Bella held me tighter, not saying anything, but nothing really needed to be said. I was comfortable with her in my arms, there was no place I'd rather be.

Some time later, I felt myself begin to drift off to sleep again, but couldn't help but voice at least some of what I felt toward the beautiful girl in my arms. "I really don't ever want to let you go. You seem like you were made to be in my arms."

She looked up at me, smiling as her eyes shone with happiness. "What are you saying, Edward?" She bit her bottom lip, waiting for my answer.

"I'm saying that...that..." I sighed and sat up, my back up against the headboard. "I'm saying that I'd really like it if you went back to Washington as my girlfriend." I laid it out there, my heart beating wildly in my chest as I looked at her, hoping that we were on the same page. Fear pounded harder inside my head the longer she took to answer. So long that I worried that I had completely screwed everything up. My heart shattered at the thought.

"I'm sorry.. I just.. I hoped.. wanted..." I wasn't even sure how to say what I wanted; it was all coming out in a mess. I knew that if I said anything else, I'd regret it. She knew where I stood, maybe not completely how I felt, but she at least knew something. I was afraid if I voiced anything else, I'd just bury myself further in the hole that I'd already begun digging.

"Fuck!" I muttered as I left the room, pulling at my hair as I left Bella behind. I reached the kitchen and went about making breakfast, hoping that at least our last days together would be happy and not uncomfortable between us.

I flipped the french toast before I began warming up the syrup. My mind was on autopilot as I tried not to think about the girl back in my bed and my heart that seemed to be hanging by a thread. I set about finishing breakfast, and just as I had placed our tea and food on the table, I felt a small hand at the middle of my back.

"Edward?" Bella said, her voice sounded soft and unsure.

I turned around to face her, all the while, my heart pounded out a fast paced rhythm as I looked at her, waiting for her to say something, anything.

Bella moved closer to me, her eyes never leaving mine as she went up on her toes to kiss my cheek as her arms went around me, holding me tightly.

"I think- I think we need to talk, okay?" Bella grabbed my hand, guiding me back toward the table to sit down. She played with her fingers nervously before taking a small sip of her tea. "I'm not saying no...but I'm not saying yes, either. At least, not yet."

_What did she expect me to feel or say here? _I nodded my head, motioning for her to continue.

Bella let out a sigh as her eyes met back up with mine. "I want to...god, do I want to. I want to say yes, I want to be yours. But..But I have some things that I need to take care of first. Surely, you can understand that, right?"

Again, I was quiet. My voice seemed caught in my throat, even with the small dose of hope she gave me that she wanted me, too.

"I have so much coming up. Finals...Graduation...sorting out moving in with you," she said, smiling.

"Okay, I can understand that." I moved my chair closer to hers. "But Bella, I need you to know that I am the most patient man, especially when it comes to you. I can and will wait for however long I need to." I pulled her into me, my arms stayed wrapped around her. "I just want to be able to wake up every morning, knowing you are mine, knowing I can keep you."

"I'd like that someday soon."

We ate our breakfast in comfortable silence, stealing glances at one another. I felt so much like my teenage self then.

Bella decided that she had to be the one to clean up, since I made breakfast. I tried to argue, but she was having none of it. So I watched her and realized that she simply belonged here.

*.*

Our last days together fell away in a blur of activity. I took her everywhere I could think of that she'd want to go. We visited the aquarium, went back to the pier and had to make one last visit up to the University. We spent our last two nights together, cuddled up, watching movies.

She never did return to the guest room.

When the alarm blared at seven in the morning, jolting us both out of sleep, I was suddenly hit with the fact that I really didn't want to take her to the airport. That I didn't want her to go back to Washington. What if something happened? What if she changed her mind? What if? What if? What if? So many what if's.

"Hey, sleepyhead! You really need to get a move on, and your cute butt in the shower," I said, winking. "Unfortunately, your flight leaves in three hours." I tried not to let the sadness I felt come through in my voice, but my heart was hurting as I watched her get up out of my bed and make her way to the bathroom.

She held my hand as we drove toward O'Hare, her fingers passing slowly over mine in a reassuring gesture. But it did nothing to quell what I was feeling. I wasn't at all ready for her to be so far away again.

"You'll come to my graduation, right?" Bella asked as she turned around from the ticket counter after having turned over her suitcase.

"You know that I wouldn't miss it for anything."

She gave me one of the sweetest smiles that made me just want to kiss her, somehow imprint that smile onto me, so I pulled in for hug and held her tight, kissing the top of her head instead.

I reluctantly walked her over to security, so that she could be on her way to her terminal.

"Call me when you land?" I looked down at her, she had tears in her eyes as she nodded yes.

"Be safe for me?" Bella nodded again as a tear fell, and I wiped it away with my thumb.

"And you'll be here soon, ready to move in with me?" My voice shook with emotion. I wanted to make some wise-ass joke about how we were moving so fast, but in reality, we weren't. She was taking my heart with her, while I lay in wait. But I stared at her, wanting to remember everything about her in that moment.

"I promise, Edward. Nothing could keep me from you." She smiled, brushed my lips with a way too quick kiss, and turned around to go through security.

I drove home in a daze, already missing her, when my phone pinged with a message.

**B: I miss you.**

I pulled over and replied, hoping she would see it before she took off.

**E: I always miss you.**

I started the car back up, my mind instantly returning to the girl that was flying away from me. Once back home, it felt so empty. Amazing how only after a few short days, Bella left her imprint there. I wasn't at all sure how I would sleep in my bed without her in it.

Later that afternoon, after watching boring reruns of shows, and long after I confirmed my schedule at the hospital, my phone went off and I didn't think I had ever moved faster to answer it before in my life.

"Hey."

My heart instantly felt calmer at the sound of her voice. "Hi, Bella."

"I landed, and it was the most boring flight ever. But it felt so wrong."

"Oh?"

"Yes, oh. It would have been a thousand time better had you been with me. Don't you know you have the perfect shoulder to fall asleep on?" Her laugh came through the phone, melting my insides as I soon joined her.

"Well, maybe someday soon we can rectify that."

"I hope so. Anyway, I need to catch a cab and get back to my place. Just a few more months, Edward, okay?"

"I'll be waiting, Bella."

We hung up, and I found I was suddenly excited for the future and all that it would bring.

***.***

**So guys, still with me? **


	7. Chapter 6

**So guys, I plan to update this tonight and tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the chapter that we meet up at the prologue, and then hopefully I will update again this week. **

**Many thanks to Kyla713 for looking this over for me, and to Nikki, Packy, Heather and littleapollon. They seriously held my hand through these next two chapters. **

**So, here we go. **

***.***

**Chapter 6-**

Things returned to normal after Bella went back home to Washington. I went back to my shifts at the hospital, often times working as many hours as I could, just to keep myself busy and away from the apartment. I was finding it hard to be there when she wasn't. It didn't feel much like home to me anymore; she was only there for a few days, yet made so many changes in my life.

She would call me often, excited about her upcoming finals and graduation, making sure to remind me to take the time off for the ceremony. I made sure to put in a request for a week, so that I could meet her dad and be a tourist in Seattle. I was excited for her, and even more so for her to return to Chicago. It didn't feel so far off now.

It was the week before I was due to fly out when I came home to find a package addressed to Bella from Northwestern. I couldn't help but wonder when she changed her address to mine, so I called her to make sure she didn't need anything in this package right away or else I would just bring it with me when I flew to her.

"Hello, Edward." I could hear the happiness in her voice, and it warmed me deep inside.

"Hey, Ba-Bella. I was just calling to let you know you received a package from the University today. Should I mail it out before I go, or just bring it with me?"

"Why don't you go ahead and open it for me? I'm sure it's nothing too pressing."

I carefully opened it, pulling out the letters and pamphlets to see what was what. "Well, looks like your welcome letter, pamphlets to programs, reminders of start days and when you can sign up for classes as well as tuition due dates. I could just bring this with me next week, yeah?"

"Yup, I think so. And Edward, I can't wait for you to get here! Charlie is actually making me nervous with his wanting to meet you," Bella said, laughing.

"Well, hopefully I can charm your father so that he will like me enough, so that you will hopefully give in and say yes. "

"Charlie will like you, Edward. I just know it. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. And I promise you that when the time is right, you'll get your yes." She sighed. "I unfortunately have to go. My shift at work starts soon. I feel like we never get enough time to talk. That better change in Chicago."

"It will, Bella. I'll make sure of it."

We said our goodbyes and I hung up. It was becoming harder and harder to get off the phone with her. I could honestly talk to her for hours and never truly run out of things to say or tell her. She made it easy, effortless.

The week before flying out to Seattle felt like it dragged on and on. Every shift change, I dreaded and wanted to be done. I was beyond exhausted and wanted to get to Bella sooner. The last shift I had was the day before I was to fly out. I hurried out, stopping by Garrett's popcorn on the way home to pick some up for Bella and Charlie. I packed up my suitcase and a suit for her graduation along with her graduation present. I wasn't at all sure what the hell to get her, but I got in contact with a fellow fandom member, Alice, who has known Bella even longer than I have. She, luckily, gave me some good ideas. I only hoped Bella loved it.

Right before I went to bed, I decided to send off a text to Bella.

**E: In less than 16 hours, I will get to see you again.**

**B: Still too long. Can it be tomorrow now?**

**E: I wish my B. See you soon. Good night, and sweet dreams.**

**B: Can't wait to see you! Good night, Edward.**

My heart was beating out of my chest from the moment I woke up to the moment I boarded my plane, excited to finally see Bella again. The flight felt like it took ages to get to Seattle. We ended up being delayed about forty minutes due to some electrical problem, which didn't help my fear of flying at all.

Four and a half hours later, I was finally deplaning and making my way to baggage claim. I looked everywhere for Bella, and finally saw her standing next to a tall man with a mustache. Her hands were clasped in front of her as she rocked back and forth on her feet in excitement. I knew the second she saw me, her eyes grew wide and a huge smile spread across her beautiful face.

Bella ran up to me, throwing her arms around my shoulders as she crushed me into a hug. I closed my eyes, kissed the top of her head and pulled back before her father could say anything to separate us.

"I am so unbelievably happy to see you, Edward!" She pulled back, kissed my cheek and turned around to face her dad. "So Edward, this is my dad, Charlie. He insisted on coming with me." She leaned up to whisper in my ear, "I really just think he wanted to make you nervous." She pulled away, laughing.

Charlie stepped forward, his hand outstretched to shake mine. "Well, about time I meet you. She's talked non-stop about you for the past few years. Nice to meet you, Edward. What do you say we get your bags and head on back to Bella's before I head back to my hotel."

"I booked a hotel, surely you'd rather stay with Bella. I don't want to inconvenience anyone."

"Nonsense. I know how she feels, and I trust her," Charlie said, winking as he slid into the driver's seat. Bella sat in the back with me. I finally took the time to take in her appearance. She looked so much skinnier than the last time I saw her, her hair seemed a bit duller, not as shiny as before. I wanted to tell myself that she was probably not taking good care of herself as she should be due to the stress of finals and graduation, but I had a bad feeling bubbling deep down inside of me. I wanted to grab her, protect her from anything.

***.***

The morning of Bella's graduation everything was in a rushed flurry of activity. She ran around, making sure her cap and gown was presentable, her hair done and all those other things girls fuss over while Charlie and I sat around making conversation.

"You're good for her, you know?" Charlie said, turning away from the television to face me. "You've done something these last three years that I haven't been able to do. She smiles a lot more, too."

I wasn't sure what I should say. A reply of, _I try_, seemed too stuck up. "She means a lot to me, Charlie. All I want is for her to be happy."

"You do. I don't think you realize just how much," Charlie said, his eyes growing a bit glassy.

"I'm glad I'm able to do that for her. She's done the same for me. Her words, her stories, and well, just her, mean so much to me. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her." I didn't know what made me want to lay my feelings out there for Charlie, but it just came out, seemed right.

"I know. And I think she's gonna need you more than any of us know. I know that you want her as more than a friend, and I know what she told you. But what you need to know is, you have my blessing to pursue her or whatever you call it. You make my baby girl happy, that's all I need. And I know what you're thinking, what about your age? She doesn't care, so neither do I." And that was that. I was now more determined than ever to eventually get her to say yes to being with me.

Her graduation was long, but a beautiful ceremony. The pride I held for her as she walked across that stage was overwhelming. I had to fight the urge to run up there and grab her, hold her in my arms so she could know just how proud I was.

At dinner, I presented her with spa tickets for a massage, and a few gift cards so she could get the things she'd need for her room back at our place. She loved her gifts, which made me beam with even more happiness. I had so much anxiety over this trip, but so far, no huge problems jumped out at me like I thought they would.

Though, I worried a bit when I could tell that Bella barely touched her dinner. She held conversations with Charlie and me well though, but she wasn't eating, only pushing her food around the plate.

"You okay, Bella?" I asked, worry evident in my voice. Charlie didn't seem too phased though, which made me think this wasn't a new development.

"Yeah, just not hungry. Haven't had much of an appetite lately. Stress from school," she said, flashing me one of her smiles, but it didn't settle the uneasiness that was now harboring itself in my stomach and heart. Instead of letting on, I just nodded and finished my dinner.

Charlie had to head back to Forks after dinner, so we said our goodbyes and headed back to Bella's. I was itching to voice my concerns, both as a friend and a doctor, but wasn't at all sure how Bella would take it. We sat together on the couch, a glass of wine in front of us both as she picked out a movie for us to watch.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?" she said, turning around.

"Can you make me a promise?"

"Depends on what the promise is"

"Promise me that you'll see a doctor before you come to Chicago. At least for a check-up?" _Please don't say no, Bella. Please do this for me, for us. Squash my worries, please._

"Why, Edward? Why are you so worried?"

"I'm a doctor, Bella, and I just don't have a good feeling. You're skinnier than when I last saw you, your hair is different, and you're haven't eaten a whole lot since I've been here. Yeah, it could be stress, but please, just get it checked?"

She looked at me for a few minutes and bit her lip before she nodded. "Okay, I promise. For you, I'll get checked out."

We cuddled for the rest of the night, enjoying being close, making plans for what needed to be done when she came to Chicago. She had already booked her one-way ticket for the end of June, around my birthday. It was now the beginning of May, so we wouldn't have that much longer to wait.

***.***

The week spent in Seattle went by far too quickly, and soon, I found myself back at the airport saying goodbye to Bella. She called her doctor the third day I was there and made an appointment. I made her make me another promise to call me if she needed me, and I made a promise of my own to her that I would do anything to get to her.

I handed over my bag at the counter, grabbed my boarding pass and held Bella's hand as we made our way to security. She held on to me, holding me as tight as her arms would allow, before I went over to go through the line. I listened to her sniffles as I closed my eyes and tried not to cry myself and kissed the top of her head.

"Hey, my Bella, we don't have a long wait. You'll be in Chicago before you know it."

She nodded and wiped her tears away. "Call me when you land?"

"Of course. The second I get off the plane," I told her, trying to smile.

I turned around and went through security, frequently looking back at Bella until I watched her leave. If I had known then that in two weeks my whole world would crash down around me, I would have never left.


	8. Chapter 7

**Before you guys read this update, I just have a few things to say. I want you all to know that I am in no way making light of this disease, or using it to just tell a story. I'm basing a lot of this story on my own fandom relations, along with what I have seen a few fandom friends go through with this disease. We've lost a few fandom members to this, one of them being recently. So, I just want you to know that this fic is really personal. It means even more to me than you know that you all continue to read and trust me to tell this story. **

**With that said, from here on out, this story is completely dedicated to those we've lost and are dealing with this disease. I love how we've cheered those on and help anyway we can when a fandom peep is ill. This right here is the main reason WHY I am writing this. **

**My thanks to Kyla713 for looking this over. To Heather, Nikki, Packey and littleapollyon who continue to hold my hands through this. **

**So, um, yeah...**

***.***

Since I was gearing up to take some more time off for when Bella was due to come in June, I was putting in as many hours as I could at the hospital. But each passing day made me feel more and more weary. I didn't get enough chances to talk to Bella, and she never really told me how her doctor's visit went. All she would tell me was that it was okay, to stop worrying, but I couldn't. I was a giant ball of nervousness.

Her updates slowed down as well. I attributed them to the possibility that maybe she was busy packing, gearing up for graduate school and visiting with Charlie. At least that is what I told myself to calm the nerves, but deep down, I didn't believe it.

Turns out, I wasn't the only one to notice her disappearance, either. My twitter mentions were full of fandom friends wanting to know what was going on, and if I'd heard anything. Funny how people know who is close to whom in the fandom. But I had no answers. What could I tell them when I was just as worried as they were? So many wanted to know if I heard from her, when I'd last talked to her, if I knew what was going on. All I could say was: I'm sorry, I'll let you know when I hear something.

The growing anxiety was burning through me with each passing day. Bella used to call me every day to tell me her plans, when her next post was scheduled for, what her ideas were or just to tell me how her day was, ask me about mine. Now those simple phone calls were short, if at all. I wanted to call her, but I also knew that she would tell me in her own time, that if I pushed her now, it would be our undoing. I had to let her come to me.

I got ready for work and as I tied my tie, the unease grew more than it ever had before. I hadn't talked to Bella in days when my phone pinged of a new email. I noticed it was an update, but I put off opening until I got on the L to make my way in to work.

I had a feeling it wouldn't be good news.

But I never thought I'd ever see the day that her words would stop. There I was, on the train into work, a thirty-six year old man on the verge of tears.

I needed her words like the air I needed to breathe.

I read her update again and again, and when I reached her author's note, my throat tightened with emotion.

_To my dear kind readers, friends and lurkers:_

_It pains me to write this to you, especially after all my years in the fandom, but this will be my last story and update... for now. I can't say I won't be back. Never say never, right? But I don't feel good, and just don't have the energy to do this right now._

_I can't thank you guys enough for reading, reviewing and talking to me. It's helped me through some bad times. But now? Now, times are darker, harder. I'll be somewhat around. You can find me on my blog, the link is in my profile. I'll try to update as often as I can. I love you guys and this fandom._

_Bye._

_Bella._

I knew deep down there was more to it, and my heart was nagging at me to find out. I had to.

_**To:Swan**_

_**From:Cullen**_

_Bella,_

_My heart is saddened by this news. You know how much your stories mean to me as well as how much you mean to me. You've never kept something from me before you told the fandom. Please know that I'm here for you. Please text, email, Skype, ANYTHING._

_E._

I sent off the email with a heavy heart full of worry for my friend. It didn't matter that we lived miles away, in different states. She was still a friend, no matter what. My fingers tapped against my phone as I anxiously awaited her reply. I only hoped her next email to me would calm the storm in my heart.

I stepped off the L and began my walk to the hospital, my hand clutched around my phone as my heart pounded inside my chest. I made sure to turn up the volume, so that I wouldn't miss an email notification, call or text. I almost thought of calling my superior and telling them I wouldn't be in that day, but saw no point as I walked into the lobby and up to the surgical floor.

The minute I stepped off the elevator, my phone rang, and I knew - I knew that my heart was going to break.

"H-hello? Bella?"

I could hear the sniffles, and in my mind, I could see the tears falling down her cheeks.

"E-Ed-Edward..." She sniffled again, and my heart was hanging by threads at that point.

"Are you okay?" My voice shook, my hands shook, everything shook as I tried not to fall apart.

"I- I don't even know how to tell you. I don't know what to say, or how to feel."

"Just give me something, Bella. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"It has been so hard to keep this from you, torn me apart to not tell you, but I don't want to lose you. I'm afraid I will lose you." Her cries came harder, and I wanted to somehow get to Seattle somehow, just to hold her in my arms and make her better.

"You won't lose me. I'm here for you, however you need me to be."

"Last week... Last week, I had a biopsy..."

I dropped to my knees, the phone almost falling out of my hand. _Biopsy...Cancer... Death._

I tried to focus on her words, her voice, but all I could hear were warbles in my ear as my heart cracked apart.

I was losing her before I even truly had her. I felt selfish for thinking that, but fears can do funny things to you when you are hit with crushing news.

"Bella.. Baby.. God, baby... Did I hear right? Biopsy?"

"Yes. They found cysts on my ovaries, Edward. The... The doctor called me this morning, said she had the results of the biopsy, but wanted me to come in for the results. That can't be good, right? If it was good, they'd tell me over the phone."

_Ovarian cancer. What stage? I need to call my dad._ I thought as a million thoughts collided in my head.

I numbly nodded my head, agreeing with her even though she couldn't see me.

"I need you, Edward. I don't think I can face this alone." She cried. "I need you." She sobbed again, as tears fell from my own eyes.

"I'm calling a meeting with my superior, okay Bella? I'm going to get to you one way or another by tomorrow. You won't go through this alone, okay?"

Somehow, we hung up and I called my dad as I curled into a ball in the surgeon's lounge. He answered on the first ring.

"Son? How are you?"

"Dad? I need you. I think my world just ended."

I hung up, dropped my phone and waited as I just fell into a daze, hoping that we'd make it out of this intact.

Together.

Alive.

***.***

**Thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 8

**Hey guys, so I'll just leave this here and meet you down at the bottom.**

**Thank you to kyla713 for looking this over, and to Linda, Heather, Packeh, Nikki and little apollyon for helping me get through writing this chapter. It took a lot of me. **

***.***

My thoughts were a chaotic mess after Bella's phone call. Too many worries and scenarios flashed through my mind, making my heart ache with each one. I could only imagine what she must be feeling, how scared she was, and all I wanted to do was take it all away, lay it upon my shoulders rather than hers. Instead, I was stuck a thousand miles away and feeling selfish for wallowing in my own worry and sadness.

I was still huddled on the couch in the surgeon's lounge when somehow my dad found me. I felt his arms go around me, and the numbness slowly ebbed away. He squeezed me tighter, never relenting on his hold as we just sat there. He always knew what I needed. I don't think I ever thanked him for that.

I turned my head to look at my father, my vision blurred by tears I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"Thanks, Dad," I whispered

"For what, son?"

"For always knowing just what I need, even as an adult. Even though right now, I feel anything but," I said as I wiped a new batch of tears away.

My father smiled and hugged me again. "Why don't you tell me what has you so upset, and why you think your world has ended?"

I took a deep breath and told him about all about Bella. How we'd met three years before and how we had been friends ever since. How she'd recently graduated and would be attending graduate school there in Chicago. How proud I was of her. And then I told him what she had said when I called. I expressed to him that she was my whole world, obviously much more than a friend to me. He sat there and listened as I went on and on, finally stopping when I told him that I'd promised Bella that I would find a way to her.

"You're a good man, Edward. Why don't we take things step by step, okay? Form a plan. Let's not jump to conclusions, better to be positive, especially now," he said, pulling me up to stand. "So, why don't you go see if you can hunt your chief down and tell him you have an emergency. Hopefully, you have no major surgeries scheduled. I will wait right here and call your mother to book us flights to Seattle. Then, you will call Bella back."

I nodded my head, robotically turning around and making my way down the surgical unit, hoping with everything in me that Dr. McCarty was there in the office. I knocked on the door, opening it only after I heard him call me in.

He looked up from his desk and paperwork. "What can I do for you?"

I sent off a silent prayer that he would grant me time off. "A family emergency has come up. I need to get to Seattle right away."

He eyed me for what felt like an eternity and pulled out some papers, handing them off to me. "You never ask for time off, so I'll grant you this. By the look on your face, I have a feeling that you are going to need longer than a few days, so those papers are leave of absence forms. Get them to me as soon as you possible, and if you can, please tell me what is up. You know I'll help you out if you need it."

"Thank you, sir. Once I am settled tomorrow, I will call and let you know everything. I'm still not sure what is going on at the moment, but I can't thank you enough for being understanding and granting me this."

"Don't worry about anything, Cullen. I've known you for years now. I know you wouldn't do this unless you had to. I'll cover your rounds and surgeries for today, route the rest of your week out to a few other doctors. You go do what you need to do."

I clutched the papers in my hands as I made my way back to my dad. He was still on the phone with my mother as I sat down, my head falling into my hands.

"I will call you as soon as we land and I will keep you up to date," I heard him tell her. "I will let Edward know. I love you." He hung up and sat down next to me. "She booked us a flight. We leave O'Hare at two. She's heading to your apartment and packing you a bag. She'll meet us at the counter of our airline. Now call Bella."

I grabbed my phone and pressed her name. It rang a few times with no answer, so I called the number she gave me to the house. It rang a few times before Charlie answered.

"Charlie? I called Bella, she's not answering."

"She turned her phone off. I tried to tell her that you would call her back. She's a mess right now. I'm not even sure how to handle this."

"Well." I sighed. "Please tell her we are on our way. That I will be there very soon, just like I promised. We leave at two here, landing about five your time."

"I'll let her know. I'm sure that will brighten her up. She's so scared, it's scaring me," Charlie said, the worry evident in his voice. "What did you mean by we?"

"My dad is coming with me. I kinda called him, freaking out. He's a retired doctor, maybe having him there will help Bella, too."

"Sounds good. Give me your flight number. I'll pick you guys up and take you to Bella's. You know she won't let you guys stay at a hotel. I've taken a week off, even though she insists I shouldn't have. I'll see you guys in a few hours."

We said our goodbyes and left the hospital, then made our way to O'Hare. The minute I noticed my mom standing by the airline counter was the moment I realized just how badly I needed to see her, hug her and borrow her strength. I wished she were coming along because I knew I'd need her, but I didn't want to overwhelm Bella. I wrapped my mom up in my arms and stood there, letting her soothe me.

"Your dad filled me in, and I'm thinking of the both of you. You need to be strong and positive for her right now. If you need me, you know I'll come running." My mother handed off our bags and e-tickets, gave us both hugs and kisses before telling us to get a move on.

The flight to Seattle was excruciatingly long, and the minute we touched down, I couldn't get out of my seat fast enough. We met up with Charlie, who was waiting at baggage claim for us. He and my father shook hands before we grabbed our bags and made our way out toward Charlie's car. I grew more nervous and anxious the closer we got to Bella's apartment.

When Charlie pulled up outside her complex, we grabbed our bags and made our way to her place. Charlie unlocked the door, heading to the fridge and grabbing a beer for both him and my dad. I headed straight for Bella's room, where I found her lying in her bed, curled up in a ball, tears streaming down her face. I crawled in with her, lying beside her. As I pulled her closer to me, she sighed and began to calm down.

"Everything is going to be okay, Bella," I told her and kissed the top of her head.

"But we don't know that, do we, Edward? You, as a doctor, know that none of this is good news." She sniffled and turned around to face me, her eyes puffy and red.

"You're right. But what good does it do to worry now when we have no definitive diagnosis? A biopsy does not mean automatic death sentence, okay? We're gonna face whatever this throws at us, head on."

She looked up at me, exhaustion taking over as she whispered, "We?"

I combed my fingers through her hair and nodded. "Yup, I said we. I'm here for as long as you need me to be, however you need me to be. I'll be taking a leave of absence from work, so I just need to turn the papers in. I hope you don't mind but my dad's also here as well."

Bella yawned, shook her head no, and closed her eyes, so I laid there with her and watched her sleep. I hoped that her dreams were at least a good reprieve from the last few days that she'd had. I couldn't imagine being the one to need tests done, and waiting on nails for results. She was stronger than I believed she knew.

***.***

The next morning was met with rain pounding down outside and a very subdued, quiet Bella. I'd stayed in bed with her all night and held her, and when she woke, she clung to me, telling me she was entirely too afraid to leave her bed.

I kissed her head and held her tightly. "I guess that just means that you follow me into the office, lean on me, hold on to me, whatever you have to do. I'll do anything that needs to be done to take your fears away, Bella." She graced me with a small smile and a hug before we left her room and met our fathers out in the kitchen.

My father and Charlie both stopped talking when we came in and sat down. Charlie handed Bella coffee and toast, knowing she probably wouldn't be able to stomach much.

"Hey, Bella, I'm Carlisle," He said and pointed to me. "Obviously, I'm his dad, which is a pretty hard job if you ask me." He winked at Bella, and smiled. He was trying to lighten the mood, and I appreciated him that much more.

"Nice to meet you. Sorry it is under this kind of circumstance," Bella said, sighing as she leaned back into her chair.

"I'm sure we would have met eventually. And I'm glad we did, though I feel I should warn you now. My wife, Esme, is very excited to meet you. It's not every day that our son drops everything to get to a girl." He smiled again and sat down next to Bella, taking her hand into his. "Bella, my dear, I'm here for the both of you, not just my son. I need you to know this. I know we don't know each other, but I'm here for anything you need. I'm a retired doctor, and I happen to specialize in what you may be facing. So, you have me as an extra set of eyes and ears."

I could see the tears in Bella's eyes as she just launched herself into my dad's arms, whispering a thank you.

A short time later, we all finished our breakfast and coffee and made our way down to Charlie's car on our way to Bella's appointment. She held my hand tightly the entire way, I was sure the blood circulation was being cut off. We entered the quiet office; no one was in as far as we could tell. Her doctor soon came out and greeted us.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Kate Denali. Why don't we all head back to my office so that we can talk? I assume you all want to be with Bella?" she asked, turning around and grabbing Bella's chart.

Dread soon overtook me, and by the way Bella was slowly walking next to me, she wasn't looking forward to it either. We entered Dr. Denali's office and all sat down; Bella next to me, Charlie standing behind Bella as my father hung back by the door. Bella introduced us all before her doctor began.

"I made sure to have one on one time with you before anyone was in the office, Bella. I hoped it would maybe put you more at ease," Dr. Denali said as she sorted through papers and placed them in front of her. "Now, you've been coming to me since you were sixteen for chronic cysts in your ovaries. We've kept on top of things, and I hoped we would never have to be here like this. As you know, at your last visit, you mentioned pain on your right side, down into your pelvis, and that you were experiencing the same symptoms that you seemed to have whenever you've had a cyst. We did an ultrasound where I came across something bigger than your regular cysts, that we usually treated and let go on their own."

Bella's hand was shaking in mine, she held on as tightly as she could, so I leaned over and whispered that we were in it together, that she had nothing to fear.

The doctor nodded my way and continued. "Bella..." She sighed, and I could tell that as a doctor, she deeply cared for Bella, that delivering this news was affecting her, too. "Your biopsy came back and shows that you have advanced cells, showing abnormal growth. You have Stage 1c Ovarian cancer. This is rare in your age group, extremely rare, but I think we caught it early enough that you will have a fair fight. Because you knew your symptoms and came to me, I think we were really lucky to have found it when we did. We normally don't detect this type of cancer until it is well into stage three or four, and usually in postmenopausal women."

The dam inside Bella broke as a sob came free and tears soaked her cheeks. I held her to me, taking the box of tissues that the doctor handed over to me. I had to remind myself that I needed to be strong for Bella. That, in a way, it was good news.

"With that said, I'm going to refer you to an oncologist. I advise you make an appointment as soon as you can. Together, you will form a plan of attack." She handed Charlie a pile of papers and the number to call. I don't even remember how we got out of that office or when we left. I just remember holding Bella.

We got to her apartment, and her dad walked her back to her bedroom and remained there. I didn't want to interrupt. My father sat next to me and hugged me, reminding me that we needed to think positive. He also said he was going to call a colleague of his back in Chicago that specialized in this type of cancer and gather his thoughts, so that maybe he could help Bella some more. My dad was a doctor himself as well, so I trusted him to do whatever he thought best.

Some time later, Charlie came back out and told me that Bella was asking for me. I looked up and saw that his eyes were red rimmed from crying. I nodded my head, wishing I could offer him some sort of comfort, too.

Bella was lying on her bed and held out her arms for me. I slid into them and held her, giving her what I could.

"I had a feeling, and now that I heard the diagnosis, it makes it more real and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. I thought knowing what I was facing would make things easier, but it doesn't. It makes it scarier and all the more real."

We laid there for a while before she stood up, wiped her face and grabbed her laptop, opening up the browser to her blog.

"You don't have to do this, Bella. Take some time," I said, coming up next to her to place my arms around her.

"I have to. If I don't do it now, I never will. I know I don't owe them anything, but they are like family and deserve to know."

I nodded and watched her type up her entry.

**Hey guys, I know I've been MIA for a while, and I have my reasons. When I said I didn't feel good, I meant it. I've been in a lot of pain.**

**I went to the doctor a few weeks ago... they found something and did a biopsy. We just got the results today. I have Stage 1c , almost Stage 2 Ovarian cancer. I have yet to meet with an oncologist, but I assume surgery and chemo is in store for me. I consider you all family, so I wanted to let you know.**

**With this diagnosis, I find that I can't help but wonder if it's mean/selfish of me to feel somewhat like I'm lucky that cancer hasn't touched anyone that I know, that I didn't have to see them slowly suffer and pass away? But now I'm starting to think that maybe the reason for that was because I was the ticking time bomb all along. I fear that I'm not strong enough for this fight, and I'm scared about how much of all this will impact the one I love.**

**There... I admitted it.**

**I'm scared.**

**I don't want to die.**

I tried not to focus on what she wrote about the one she loved. I had a feeling it was me, even hoped it was, but I wasn't going to push that, not now. I watched her as she wiped tears away again, and posted a status on her Facebook and twitter about a new blog post and turn her laptop off. She turned around and curled into me, and fell asleep.

I couldn't bring myself to get comfortable or let go of her. I planned to hold on to her for as long as she'd let me. I kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear that we'd kick cancer's ass before I fell asleep, hoping the journey ahead would be worth all the hurt and pain my angel would endure.

***.***

**How are we all? Still hanging in there? **


	10. Chapter 9

**So, before you guys read, I just want to thank each and every one of you that share your stories with me. You amaze me with your stories of beating cancer, taking care of someone who did, or even losing someone. So thank you so very much for sharing those with me. I honestly cherish each and every story. **

**Now, I promised EdwardsEternal a triple update(tonight, tomorrow, tuesday), So fingers crossed! She made me all happy with her Nightingale update. **

**Thank you to Kyla713 for looking this over. My girls Heather, Nikki and packeh for reading for me, even if it made one of them cry.**

**Oh, and ADSP will be up soon, too.**

**I'll leave you to it. **

***.***

It was dark by the time I opened my eyes and unwrapped myself from a still sleeping Bella. I knew that that I should wake her, that she needed to eat, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I wanted her to sleep as much as she could, anything to keep her fears and worries from the forefront of her mind.

A soft knock was what finally made me leave her bed. My father was standing on the other side, holding two mugs of tea with a soft smile on his face. He handed them off to me and said, "I know you don't want to wake her, but she needs to eat and we need to talk."

I set the cups of tea down, and softly sat down on the bed next to Bella and began to nudge her. "Bella, sweetheart, wake up." She turned away from me, pulled the blankets over her head and mumbled a cute "no". I couldn't help but laugh at her as I nudged her again and pulled the covers back, preparing myself to meet a grumpy Bella. "Come on, sweetheart. My dad made tea and dinner is waiting for you."

Bella stretched, turned her head toward me and scowled. "I was comfortable and warm, you know."

"I'm sorry, I really didn't want to wake you. You did look very precious," I said and laughed. "But my dad needs to talk to us and we have hot tea waiting, not to mention food. Now, up you go. Don't make me have to tickle you, because I will."

Her eyes grew wide as a smile spread across her face. "I like moments like this with you. They seem so perfect, and yet at the same time, not enough." Her voice still sounded raspy from sleep, and I yearned to kiss her, but I had to let her lead whatever we would be. She already had so much on her mind, I didn't want to add to it, so I hugged her instead and kissed her cheek, whispering that I felt the same.

She then stood up and walked over to grab her cup of tea, took a sip and sighed. My dad was waiting outside her door, a welcoming smile on his face as he opened his arms for Bella and hugged her.

"Well, Carlisle, I must say, you just might make tea better than me," Bella said as she looked up at my dad.

"Esme taught me well." He laughed and led Bella to her living room where Charlie was sitting and waiting for us. "Why don't you sit and I'll get your dinner, so that we can have a chat."

Bella sat down next to her dad and sipped her tea. Charlie wrapped his arms around her, his face weary and you could tell he'd been crying at some point in the last few hours. He grabbed the blanket off the back of her couch and wrapped her in it, and she indulged him as she burrowed further into it.

My father came back and handed her an Indian take out container, and one to me as well. "Charlie said you loved Indian. Hope I ordered the right thing."

Bella nodded, took a bite and her soft moan went right through me. "So good. Thank you, Carlisle."

"So, I got in contact with a good friend of mine that I used to practice with, Dr. Marcus Doukas. He is an Oncologist OB/GYN, who specializes in ovarian cancer. I can honestly say that he is one of the best doctors in this field. I hope you don't mind that I called him."

"Not at all. I really do appreciate it. I honestly don't know what I'd be doing right now without you all. I would probably still be in my bed, wallowing." Bella then sat her container down, the majority of her food gone, which made me smile that her appetite was a bit better.

"You realize that he practices in Chicago?" Bella nodded, and my dad continued. "I am not trying to step on anyone's toes here. You mean a lot to Edward, therefore you mean a lot to me, as well as Esme. I want to help in any way that I can, and this is how I know best to do that."

"Thank you, Carlisle," Bella said as she cuddled up closer to her dad.

"So, here is what has taken place so far. I called him and told him your diagnosis. He requested we get your medical records sent off to him, and he has since scheduled you for an MRI tomorrow morning so he can better see what he is dealing with. Then we will have a conference call with him and go from there, okay?" My dad sighed and stood up, walked over to Bella and took her hand. "If you choose to stick with Marcus treating you, then we will help you sort out your move to Chicago. Your dad, unfortunately, being the chief in Forks, can't request leave just yet."

Charlie held her tighter as he tried to rein in his emotions. "I promise I will be there for every step that I can. You won't face this without me." Charlie kissed her head softly before hugging her again. "I might have already called Renee." I almost laughed at Charlie's facial expression when he admitted this, as if he was almost waiting for Bella to lash out at him.

I knew that Bella used to be close to her mom, but they hardly talked anymore. There were no hard feelings, but Bella has always felt closer to Charlie than Renee, especially in the last few years.

"So...you told her?" Charlie nodded. "And what did she say?"

Charlie sighed, rubbed the back of his head as he unwrapped his arms from around Bella in order to face her. "I think she doesn't want to believe it, to be honest. I don't think she realizes this is serious, and that you are sick. She told me to keep in contact, to let her know what is going on and that she will try and get some time off from work."

Bella nodded, her face blank from emotion. "Okay, well, at least that is something, I suppose."

We then decided to watch a movie. I honestly couldn't tell you what movie we ended up choosing. I was too into watching Bella, and thinking about how strong she really was and the future that I hoped we'd have. Sometime later, Charlie called into the station, saying he'd be in after Bella's appointment. We said goodnight and I followed Bella back into her room, only wanting to tuck her in.

"Will you stay?" she asked and I nodded, not at all able to ever say no to her. We cuddled and fell asleep, the alarm waking us up way too soon.

***.***

The waiting room at the imaging center was full, and Bella kept fidgeting, her knee bouncing with nervousness. I tried to keep her mind off things, but I knew had I been the one in her position, I would probably be worse and more stressed. My dad tried to engage her in conversation, but Bella was too anxious to give him more than one-worded answers. Charlie wasn't much different than Bella; he wore his worries in plain view in his eyes. You could just see that he wished he could take this all away for Bella, anything for her not to have to deal with it.

Eventually, her name was called. The nurse informed us that we had to remain in the waiting room, and the fear in Bella's eyes tore me apart. I wrapped her in my arms, whispering to her that she would be okay, that we'd only be apart a few minutes. I promised her that I would be right here waiting for her. She gave me a weak smile before following the nurse.

About twenty minutes later, she returned, looking tired and sporting bandage on her right arm. The nurse handed Bella papers as she burrowed into her dad's arms.

"She had a bit of a reaction to the dye we used for contrast, so she's a bit groggy from the Benadryl. Other than that, everything went according to plan. Have a good day."

Bella was quiet on the way home. She laid her hand on my shoulder as she looked out the window until we returned to apartment. We all got comfortable, turned on the television as we waited for Marcus to call. A few hours wait seemed like it dragged forever. My father's phone rang, causing Bella to jump a bit before Charlie got up and turned off the television.

My dad put it on speakerphone so that we could all hear it. "Hello, Marcus. Wasn't expecting you to call until later."

"In my orders, I put that it had to be rushed, results emailed to me immediately. I have the scan pulled up on my laptop now. Now, how is Bella doing?"

"I'm okay, thanks," Bella said, shyly.

"Before we begin, Bella, are you okay with them listening in and with me continuing your treatment?"

"Yes. I want them all to listen, and I trust Carlisle, so I trust you."

"Okay, then. Let's start forming our battle plan, yeah?" Marcus said as we heard papers being shuffled around in the background. "I am looking at your scan right now, and it seems you have a cluster of tumors on the right side of your uterus, in your right ovary. So, I think we need to plan surgery."

I looked over at Bella, tears beginning to slowly cascade down her pale cheeks. I reached out and held her hand with mine, squeezing to let her know I was there.

"How soon?" Bella asked as she held on to my hand tighter.

"Bella, I know you're scared, but you really have a good chance for survival right now. Don't dwell on the negatives. I know that's hard, but we need you and everyone around you to be positive, okay?" More papers could be heard being rustling around in the background and keyboard keys clacking away. "How soon can you guys get back to Chicago?"

Bella looked around at all of us and shrugged, seemingly leaving it up to us to decide. Charlie spoke up first. "I can't leave for at least a week. I need to sort out work. I want to be there when she does have surgery. But if it needs to be sooner, I'll do what I have to in order to get to her."

My dad then asked Marcus how soon he could schedule the surgery. "I have an opening for next Thursday, early morning. This surgery would be at least a few hours. With how her scans look, and the size of the tumors, the right ovary and almost half of the right side of her uterus will have to be removed."

"Oh, god..." Bella sobbed and we all rushed to her, wrapping our arms around her. My dad reassuring her that this would be good, it would have a good outcome, that she was strong.

"After surgery, we will then discuss chemotherapy. I am scheduling for you to be in my office Monday, that gives you guys the weekend to sort out arriving in Chicago."

We finalized our plans and hung up with Marcus. My dad left the room to call my mom, letting her know what was going on while Charlie and I held a crying Bella. Charlie was close to falling apart himself, as was I, but I knew I needed to be more stable for Bella. I needed to be a rock.

A short time later, my dad came back out and sat down in front of Bella, taking her hands into his. "Bella, dear, Esme has sorted us all a flight back to Chicago for tomorrow, that way you can get settled in and comfortable. I know it's fast, but we just want to get a move on and you comfortable."

"Okay." Bella nodded and hugged my dad. "So, I'll finally get to meet this amazing Esme you all talk about, then?"

"Yes, and I am to tell you that she plans to spoil you rotten." Such a typical thing for my mom to do, wanting to mother everyone. Yet...the fact she wanted to take care of Bella made my heart swell, and meant so much to me. Much more than I ever thought it would.

"You okay with this, dad?"

Charlie coughed, rubbed his chest, trying hard to keep his tears at bay. "Yes, I trust them, and I know that Carlisle is trying to do the best for you. I'll be there for your surgery, I promise. In fact, I'm gonna go call in to the station and let them know, and then I'll have to head back to Forks. You call me when you land, whenever you need something, even if it's just to talk, you hear me?"

We said goodbye to Charlie later that night, with the promises of constant updates and calls. He said he would call us once he had his flight and time off sorted as well.

***.***

Bella looked around her room, grabbing clothes and odds and ends to pack. "I don't even know what all to bring. My mind is a mess right now."

I grabbed her to me and hugged her. "Why don't you go out and sit with my dad. I will pack your clothes and favorite pillow, and a few books, along with your kindle, bath stuff and anything else I can think of. I'll put your laptop in a carry on. Now go on, let me worry about this, okay?" I kissed her forehead as she walked out toward my dad. I could hear him greet her and a laugh soon followed.

Bella called Charlie from the airport after we checked in for our flight. She seemed happy, chatting up my dad before our flight was called. We got into our seats, allowing Bella to have the window, while I sat next to her and my dad sat on the other side of me.

"What will I do about my apartment? Graduate school?" she asked, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

My dad turned to face her. "Your apartment will be paid. Charlie and I worked that out while you were in for your scan. Don't worry about that at all. As for school, we're barely into the summer. You have awhile to go yet, but you can always get in touch with your advisor and look into deferring a semester. Whatever you choose, Bella, we're right behind you."

She nodded and went back to being quiet as she looked out her window. I pulled out a crossword puzzle book and nudged her shoulder, lifting an eyebrow and handed her a pen. "I'm pretty sure you're smarter than me, so how about a little help?"

"Yeah. Okay, Edward." She shook her head and laughed.

We were wrapped up in our puzzles for the remaining of the flight, my dad chiming in every so often when he was sure one of our answers was wrong. The intercom came on overhead, announcing our arrival into O'Hare, so we began to put things away.

I could see my mom waiting at baggage claim, with a glittery sign welcoming Bella to Chicago. Instead of hugging me or dad, she made a beeline straight for Bella and wrapped her up in her arms, whispering words into Bella's ear, as she nodded and smiled.

"Are you hungry, dear? I thought we could maybe stop off at the Pier, grab a bite to eat, if you're feeling up to it. I also bought you a few things for your room back at Edward's," my mom said, grabbing Bella's hand as she tugged her towards the car park.

The welcome both of my parents had for Bella did something to me that I couldn't put into proper words. There was just something about seeing both my mom and dad holding on to Bella that made me realize that none of us would be able let her go, that she meant too much to all of us now.

***.***

**How are you all? **


	11. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, I still owe EdwardsEternal another one after this. Are you reading her fic My Nightingale? I'm sure most of you are. *sigh* My love for that fic. Though, can it be Thursday already? I want to see Renee get what she deserves.**

**Anyway, Thank you to kyla713 for looking this over, and to Heather, Packeh, Nikki and linda for holding my hand with this fic. **

**I'll just leave you guys to it.**

***.***

Over the course of the weekend, Bella barely ate much of anything. We all tried to coax her to eat; we even bought some of her favorite snacks. She nibbled, but in my opinion, it wasn't enough to fill her. It both worried and scared me at the same time. My mom said it was most likely nerves about the upcoming appointment. I wanted to believe it was that, but I knew it was most likely the cancer killing her appetite.

Sunday morning, I found Bella curled up on the couch with Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in her hands, slowly flipping page after page. I watched her for a while, admiring her smile as she read, the way she'd laugh at a certain part. I resolved then and there to always make her laugh and smile. She was absolutely beautiful when she was happy and unaware that anyone was watching her.

I left her to her reading and set about making us both some coffee and toast. I figured I'd bring her a bowl of yogurt too. Something small and light and I hoped she'd eat it all. Just as I had buttered the toast, my phone pinged with an incoming email.

**To: Ecullen**

**From: Aliceinwonderland**

**Hey, I hope you don't mind me messaging you, but I didn't want to bother Bella and I had a feeling she was with you still. Can you please let her know we are all sending our love? That we're thinking of her? Jazz and I talked, and we would like to set up some sort of fund for her, but we wanted to see what you thought of it. Maybe ask/tell Bella?**

**Would you also, if you don't mind, sending me the address of where you guys are? A few of us want to send some things to her and you.**

**Tell Bella that the fandom is behind her in this fight. We are here for her if she needs to vent, talk ANYTHING. Please keep us up to date. She's in our thoughts and prayers.**

**Alice.**

I didn't even know I was crying until I felt the tear fall down my cheek. My hands shook as I set my phone down, feelings that I'd kept hidden suddenly slammed into me all at once. A sob escaped me as I realized just how real all of it was, how scared I was for us and for Bella. Seeing the support she had within the fandom did something to me. That was when I knew that fandom was family. They took care of their own. Leaning against the counter as I tried to wrangle in my emotions, I heard Bella come into the kitchen. I turned my head away and wiped my eyes.

"Hey...I made some breakfast. I figured coffee, toast and some yogurt would be good." I looked over at Bella. She was standing just inside the kitchen by the fridge, clutching her book to her chest.

"I don't care about breakfast right now. I want to know why you look sad and have been crying." She set her book down on the counter before she walked over to me and pulled me into a much-needed hug. I buried my face into her neck and tried so hard not to cry again, but shakily exhaled as she held me tighter.

"I don't ever want to lose you," I admitted as I squeezed her tighter.

We hadn't broached the subject again of being more than friends, but I wanted it; I needed it. I knew she had a lot on her plate, and that she probably didn't want a relationship, but I wanted to be there for her as more than a friend. We'd known each other long enough that I was certain that someday I wanted to make her my wife. That part could wait, but there was something inside me that needed and longed for her to place a label on us... I mean... we shared a bed and kisses, and it made _me_ want to place a label on us. I just needed to know I wasn't the only one feeling it.

Bella looked up at me, and her fingers came up to run through my hair as I let out a sigh. "You're not gonna lose me. Ever." She snuggled her head into my chest as she wrapped her arms around me. "What brought this on, Edward?"

I sighed and guided us over to the table, pulling out a chair for Bella. Turning around, I grabbed our coffee and food, setting it down on the table before I sat down myself. "It was a culmination of things. I think... I think everything is catching up to me now, and well... you know how I feel about you, what I want. You mean so much to me. I'm scared. Maybe not as much as you are, but I'm scared. I'm trying so hard to be strong, to be that friend you need." I noticed that she was biting her lip, so I got up and knelt next to her, my thumb pulling her lip from her teeth.

_Could I be selfish and lay this all out on the line?_

"You have to know that I love you, Bella. I think I've loved you from the first word I ever read from you. I don't know how you did it, but you captured me with your words. After these last few years, I've come to realize I don't ever want to be free from you. I love you, I will always love you. I need you with me always. I need and want to be your man. Can I be that, Bella? Will you allow me the privilege of being your man and helping you win this fight?"

A sob ripped from her as tears came down her cheeks. "Ed-Edward... you've always been my man. You sealed it the moment you kissed me. I thought you knew that I was yours, you silly man. I feel selfish for wanting you as I go through this. I don't want to put you through all of this. I don't want you to hurt. I can't help but worry and be scared for you if I don't make it through this. I want you and need you just as much as you want and need me. But I hate that you have to go through this with me." She leaned down and kissed me. Her lips were soft and heavenly. Perfect.

I pulled away, both of us breathless but with smiles on our faces. "Well, I'm glad that's settled, then," I said, kissing her lips once more before standing up, grabbing my phone and handing it off to her. "That email is what set a lot of this off. Our friends are amazing." I sat back and watched as she read the email, tears slowly running down her cheeks.

She handed my phone back to me and wiped her tears away. "I-I-I don't even know what to think or feel. I mean... what do you say to that? Thank you seems so not right. My heart is bursting with love today. Have you replied?"

"No, I wanted to see what you thought first. If you were okay with me sharing our address and okay with them setting up whatever fund they wanted to do."

"I just can't believe they want to do something like this. They don't have to. I feel so incredibly loved. Please reply and tell her whatever you want, and I don't mind if you share our address," she told me, blushing and smiling.

"You eat, sweet girl, and I'll reply."

She saluted me and said, "Yes, sir." I couldn't help but laugh at her cuteness.

I replied to Alice, telling her how loved we both felt, and that we were awestruck byhow amazing the fandom could be. I also told her about Bella's upcoming surgery. I promised to let her know Bella's chemo schedule once we knew the rest of the plan and closed the email with our address, thanking her and the fandom.

"All done."

"So am I," Bella said, smiling. I noticed all of her food, even the yogurt was gone. "I guess I was really hungry. "

"You don't know how happy this makes me. Want some more toast, or I can make you an omelet or something?"

"I'm fine, Edward. Stop worrying."

_I can't help but worry, sweet girl. You're everything to me._

We spent the rest of the day cuddled and reading. Right before bed, my phone went off with Dr. McCarty's number coming up, so I answered. I'd meant to call him before we left Seattle.

"Hey. I'm sorry, I meant to call you a few days ago, but to be honest, it has been a whirlwind."

"Hey, man, no worries, okay? I just wanted to call and check in. I have you covered until Tuesday, so if you're taking a leave of absence, I need those papers."

"I'll have them to you tomorrow. We'll be on the hospital's campus for an appointment for Bella. Will you be in your office?"

"I'll be there sometime after ten until around lunchtime. I have surgery after surgery."

I instantly felt bad that I'd shirked my responsibilities and had him take care of them. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to have to take all of my cases on."

"Edward, seriously, stop it. I don't mind. Anyway, is your Bella okay?"

I sighed, hoping not to choke up. "No. I don't know. She was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer. We caught it early. The doctors say it was early enough that we have a really good chance of beating it."

"Shit. I'm sorry, man. I'd like to meet her, if you don't mind. Let me know if you guys ever need anything, okay?" he said, just as I heard his pager go off in the background.

"Well, duty calls. I'll see you tomorrow."

We hung up and I went into my bedroom to find Bella waiting for me, curled up in my blankets. "I guess the guest room is free now, huh?" She nodded and smiled. "So, it's safe for me to call this our room now, then?" Her smile grew wider as she pulled back the covers. I got in, curled up behind her, wrapped my arms around her as I pulled her closer into me and kissed the back of her neck. I took delight in the fact that she shivered after I did that.

***.***

I woke up to my alarm and turned over to find Bella no longer in bed. I shot up, instantly worried as I made my way out of the bedroom. I found her curled up on the couch, watching a movie.

Kissing the top of her head, I asked, "You okay?"

Bella nodded. "Just couldn't sleep. I'm nervous, scared and anxious."

I sat down next to her and pulled her up on my lap, pushing her hair back before I kissed her lips softly. "You'll be fine. This doctor will take great care of you, and you have all of us, okay? Remember, my mom and dad said they will be going with us this morning. Your dad will be here Thursday, along with my parents as well. You are not alone in this." I kissed her again, completely unable to stop myself.

After we ate a small breakfast, my mother and father showed up and mom instantly went to Bella, hugging her. We decided my parents would drive us. I was too nervous to focus on getting us there.

After Bella filled out paperwork, it wasn't long before she was called back. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up to go back with her. My dad and mom chose to stay in the waiting room, telling us to call them back if we need them.

The nurse took Bella's vitals. No fever, but her blood pressure was high, which had me a bit worried. Shortly after the nurse left, Dr. Doukas came in, introduced himself and sat down, pulling up her scans on the computer.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella and Edward. I'm sorry it has to be under these circumstances. And please, no 'Doctor' stuff, just call me Marcus, okay?"

We nodded, entirely too overwhelmed to say anything.

Marcus turned the computer screen towards us, showing Bella's MRI scans. "So, Bella, here is your right ovary. You have three individual, small tumors there, and one further down the Fallopian tube. As you know, we will take the right ovary and about half of your uterus, to be safe. We're hopeful that no cancerous cells have spread the other side. Any questions so far?"

Bella shook her head no, and I could tell she was trembling and trying to hold back tears. Marcus scooted up closer to her and grabbed her hand. "Bella, I know this is scary and that this will be difficult. But I promise you that you have the best of care, that I will do all I can to give that to you."

"Thank you. So, what will happen after you remove my ovary and part of my uterus? How will my body take it?" Bella asked, her voice shaky with emotion.

"It is possible that this could send you into early menopause, or you could be completely fine. We will keep a close eye on things, especially once you start chemo. Other than that, it will be, in a way, like your body lost a limb. Your body just becomes, for lack of a better word, used to it," Marcus told us, moving back to his chart and computer.

"I don't want you going into this surgery unprepared. This will be really invasive; and require a fair amount of stitches and staples. You will be in the hospital for a few days after. I would also like to place your port soon after this surgery, which will also require you to go under. In my opinion, this is the best way to receive your chemo and other medications. But we will cross that bridge when we come to it, okay?"

Bella squeezed my hand and nodded at Marcus.

"Now, before I hand off copies of your scans and more paperwork and literature, I'd like for you to lie back, relax and let me examine you."

Bella lay back as Marcus came up to her, pulling up her shirt to show her midsection, and had Bella undo the clasp of her pants. His fingers roamed her right side when all of a sudden, Bella winced in pain. He pressed down again, nodding to himself.

"Sorry, Bella. Hopefully, I'll be able to take all that pain away soon."

He handed off the papers and said he would see us bright and early at seven in the morning, reminding me to not let Bella eat after midnight the night before surgery. Before we made our way to the car, I left a message for Dr. McCarty, telling him that I wouldn't make it in today to meet with him and hand over the papers, but that I would for sure tomorrow. I needed to get Bella home and comfortable.

Bella was quiet on the way back to our place. When we got home, my mom instantly went into hovering mode. She set Bella up on the couch, tea and snacks at her side, television on. She constantly asked Bella if she needed something and if she was okay. Bella indulged her, letting her fuss over her.

Later that night, long after my parents left, I found Bella sitting on the chair by the window, staring out over the view. I came up behind her and picked her up, and sat back down, holding her tightly in my arms as I kissed her cheek softly.

"Want to tell me what is going on in that head of yours?" I asked, placing my head on her shoulder.

She exhaled a shaky breath as she grabbed my hand and played with my fingers. "Are you sure that you want to be with me? Especially now that I possibly can never have kids? I know… I know it's too early to be thinking about this, but I can't help but worry and wonder."

I turned her face towards me, placed both my hands on her cheeks so that she wouldn't turn away from me. "Bella... I love you. Okay? I. Love. You. I want you to do me a favor, okay? Place all of your worries on my shoulders. Let me carry them for you. You don't have to worry about kids right now, though I know it's hard not to. You're losing, in a sense, a part of you. But it doesn't make me love you any less, you got me?"

She nodded, leaned in and kissed me, her tongue tracing my bottom lip as I opened my mouth and savored the kiss. It was long, slow and sweet, sending shivers up and down my spine before I pulled away, breathless.

"If we never have kids, we never have kids. If it ever comes to that, we have options. Surrogates, IVF and even adoption. But there are options. Think positive, and place your worries and doubts on me. I'll take care of them. And Bella? I love that you are looking forward to the future. Because make no doubt about it, I'm not going anywhere, and I have every intention of making you my wife one day. I promise you that."

We sat in that chair as the sky grew darker, wrapped up in one another's arms, kissing and not allowing the worries of the future to overtake us.

***.***

**So, how are you all?**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, sorry for the wait for this chapter. I blame RL and three sick boys for keeping me busy. But on the plus side, this chapter is double the normal size, so hopefully that makes up for it. **

**Thank you to Kyla713 for looking this over, and to my girls Nikki, Heather and Packy for reading and hand holding.**

***.***

I had to force myself to leave the apartment the next morning to hand over my leave of absence papers, but I made sure to kiss her softly before I did. I didn't wake her: she looked comfortable and warm, I didn't want to disturb that.

My mom met me at the door, coffees in hand. She said she was there to make Bella breakfast and to hopefully get her to go out and be pampered. I kissed my mother's cheek and closed the door behind me.

Twenty minutes later, I stood outside of Dr. McCarty's office, leave of absence papers under my left arm. Just as I was about to knock, he opened his door, smiling wide as he ushered me in. He took the papers from my hands and insisted I sit down.

"It is nice to see you, Edward," he said, sitting down behind his desk before shuffling through the papers he took from me. "I'll get these processed as soon as you leave. I hope you don't mind, but I've let the department know of your absence. Although, not the reason. I figured if you felt they should know, I'd leave it up to you."

I nodded, feeling weighed down by the thoughts of about two days from then, Bella would be in that very surgical ward being operated on, and I couldn't be there in the room to make sure it all went smoothly. Suddenly, I was nervous, anxious and scared. What if something did go wrong? What if they find more and couldn't remove it? What if? What if? What if? I sighed and sat up straighter. "It is okay with me if you tell them why. I'm sure they will piece it together once they see her in the surgical suite and my family and her dad in the waiting room. To be honest, I don't think I can handle telling anyone else what is going on. I feel so... crushed. Helpless, even."

Dr. McCarty then stood up, turned his back to me and poured two cups of coffee before handing me one. He then came and stood in front of me, sitting on his desk. "It's hard to sit back and let other doctors care for our loved ones. Even more nerve-wracking when it is much more than just a common procedure. I'm not going to tell you that the hours will fly by, or that the wait will be easy, but I will reassure you that she is and will be in the best hands. In fact, I've even requested to be in the suite. Her surgeon stopped by when he was booking the OR, and he asked if I'd like to sit in, since his surgical fellow is out sick. I promise to keep you up to date as much as I can."

I took a drink of my coffee, letting the hot liquid make me feel more in the moment. "I appreciate that, I really do. I hate to even take a leave of absence, but I need to take care of her. I want to make sure she's okay, comfortable, happy. I don't want her to be alone at all through this. Even though I know she has my mom and dad. Her dad will be here." I rubbed my eyes and exhaled long and slow. "I can't explain it, I just need to see to it that she's okay." I tried to hold my emotions at bay. "I guess… I guess… I need reassurance that she isn't leaving me or this world. That by constantly caring for her, I know that everything possible is being done to prevent that. It's fucking scary to feel so out of control and try not to grab fate from God's clutches. I want that control, even though I know it's impossible, but I want her to live, really live."

For whatever reason, it felt good to let that all out. I felt some of the burden leave me. Although I still had a fair amount of weight on my shoulders. I felt better, not much, but better about the situation.

"She's going to do amazingly, Edward. She's young, and I bet she's a fighter. Don't worry about tomorrow so much. Focus on today and the moments you have. The more you worry about tomorrow, the more you'll miss all the tiny, amazing moments that today gives you. At least try to stop stressing so much, and go home and love that girl. I'll take care of the rest."

I finished my coffee, and Dr. McCarty took it from my hands, patted me on the shoulder and said he'd see me early Thursday morning.

When I returned to the apartment, it was quiet and empty. I wanted to text my mom to check in on Bella, but decided I better not. I wanted her to be able to relax and have fun while she was being pampered. I just wanted her to not have a care in the world while she was out with my mom.

A short time later, my phone rang, and Charlie's number came up.

"Hello, Charlie," I said, happy to hear from him.

"Hey, Edward. Was just calling to let you know that I've booked a flight for tomorrow. I leave Seattle at around seven in the morning, land at around one in the afternoon your time," he told me, the gruffness in his voice coming through.

"Sounds good. We'll be there. I'm sure you'll be hungry when you land, so we'll make plans for a late lunch."

"How is she, Edward? I know the surgery is Thursday. I'm nervous and not even the one having the surgery. How's my baby girl?" he asked, emotion seeping through his voice.

"Honestly, Charlie, I'm not even sure it has hit her fully yet. I mean, she was scared when we left the doctor's office on Monday, but other than that, she has pretty much been quiet about anything to do with the surgery. We're also trying to keep her busy and relaxed. She's currently at the spa and out to lunch with my mom."

"Ah, I wondered why I couldn't get through to her phone," he said, sighing. "I hate to see my little girl going through this. I wish that I could somehow magically take it all away for her, make it so she doesn't have to feel pain, fear and worry. She's too young for this."

I ran my fingers through my hair as I stood up and began to pace my living room. "She's so strong, though, Charlie. I think she gets that from you...well, that and her stubbornness."

"You know, you're probably right about that. I tried to talk her into finding a grad school here in Washington, but she was incredibly insistent that she go to Chicago. I knew then it had something to do with you."

After double-checking the flight information, we said our goodbyes and hung up.

Sometime later, Bella and my mom came through the door. Bella's face was fresh, her eyes bright and the most beautiful smile adorned her face.

"You guys have fun?" I asked, standing up to grab the bags that were in my mom's arms.

Bella nodded, her smile growing wider. "Today was the best day. I loved spending time with your mom. The stories she told me about baby Edward, though..." She hung up her hoodie, laughing as she went towards the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

I groaned and glared at my mom, who just smiled and winked at me. "What? She had to know how cute you were as a baby. In fact, I even showed her that pic of you in the bath after you decided to cover yourself with a lot of mud."

Bella began to laugh again and it was the sweetest sound. I couldn't be mad at my mom for telling her, not when it made her laugh like that. My mom gave me a look of, "See, that is why I told her."

My mother left a short time later, hugging the both of us before promising to be there after we picked up Charlie from the airport. Once she was gone, Bella opened one of the bags she brought in from being out with my mom and opened a box of chocolates. Fannie May adorned the top of the box, and I tried my hardest to hold myself back and not steal one.

Bella looked at me, shook her head and chuckled. "Your mom was right, you are a sucker for chocolate." She then handed me the box, smiling. "I got them for you, anyway." She kissed my cheek before sitting down on the sofa and turning the television on.

"You spoil me," I said as I sat down next to her and placed the box of chocolates on my lap, and then handed one off to Bella.

"I do not, Edward. You've done so much for me, especially lately." She bit into the chocolate, closed her eyes and let out a satisfied moan. "Oh. My. God. Now I know why your mom said you loved these. We are so getting more."

I laughed and pulled her closer to me as we settled in and watched some random movie. I didn't care what we were watching; all I cared about was holding her and hoping the next forty-eight hours went smoothly.

***.***

I had never seen Bella as excited before as she was while we were sitting in the Airport, waiting for Charlie to arrive as her legs bounced in anxiousness. She couldn't remain seated for long either. I laughed at her, which earned me a playful glare.

"What?" she asked, crossing her arms. "Do you have a problem with me being excited to see my dad?"

I held in the laugh that time, almost failing as I looked at her face and the playful smile she was sporting. "No, not at all. Sometimes a girl just needs her dad." I stood up in front of her and pulled her into my arms, kissing the top of her head as she tightly held on to me.

"Yeah, well, sometimes a girl just needs her boyfriend, too. Who happens to be all sorts of amazing." she said, looking up at me. She raised herself up on her tippy-toes to kiss me. I deepened it, tracing my tongue along her bottom lip, nipping at it gently.

"Ahem," a gruff voice said. I knew immediately that it was Charlie.

Bella quickly pulled herself from my arms, only to fling herself into her dad's. Eventually, they parted, and we headed off to the baggage carousel to pick up Charlie's bags.

Once we were back at my car, Bella told her dad to sit up front with me so that he would be more comfortable, while she sat directly behind me. She looked up in my rearview mirror and met my eyes, flashing me a smile before looking out her window as we began to make our way out from the airport and the nightmare that was Chicago traffic.

"So, guys, I've booked myself a hotel near you. I'm afraid you both are stuck with me for two weeks." he said, looking back at Bella, winking. I wanted to tell him he could stay with us, but I also knew space was limited. "It's all I could get off, but I'll do my best to get more time, if I can."

That afternoon went by fast. Faster than I wanted it to. We had fun going out to lunch with Charlie and my parents. By dinnertime, I could tell Bella was exhausted and nervous. She barely ate anything, shoving food around her plate, taking small nibbles here and there. Charlie and I shared worried looks. Bella wouldn't be able to eat or drink after midnight, and who knew how long it would be before she could eat solid foods and holding it down after surgery.

After dinner, we said goodnight to Charlie and dropped him off at his hotel, reminding him that we would be there at six in the morning to pick him up on our way to the hospital. My parents went back to our apartment, mom insisting on making Bella one more light snack and tea, so that she would at least have something in her tummy. My dad sat on the couch with her while my mom fretted about in the kitchen. He held her close to him, and I watched him kiss the top of her head softly while she snuggled further into him. They were quiet, but I think my dad knew there was nothing he could say to take her fear and anxiety away. They left soon after Bella finished her tea, both of them hugging her on their way out.

Time seemed to slow down as we went through our nighttime routines. It felt sluggishly slow. I just wanted it to speed up so that we could be done with the surgery, done with the hospital and back home. However, I knew that Bella was most likely feeling the opposite; dreading the surgery, not wanting time to hurry up.

I crawled into bed next to her, wrapping us both up in blankets as I held her close.

"Will you cuddle me all night, never letting go?" she asked, her voice quivering more each word she spoke.

I held her tighter to me and kissed the back of her neck. "I'll never let go, Bella. Never. I'll hold you forever." I wasn't sure when, but sometime later, we fell asleep, waking up to the alarm in the same position, my hold on her just as tight as it had been when we went to bed. I hated having to wake her up, but I knew we needed to get a move on.

She opted out of taking a shower. She stayed in her pajamas, figuring she'd just have to change into a hospital gown once she got situated at the hospital and checked in for surgery.

We picked up Charlie on the way; my parents would meet us in the lobby. Bella was really quiet, and I couldn't blame her much. I would have been too if I were facing a huge surgery. I grasped her hand in mine, squeezing, silently telling her it would all be okay. She turned and faced me, giving me small smile, before looking back out her window.

Her face paled a bit once we pulled up to the hospital and parked. Charlie actually had to be the one to get her out of the car. If we had given her the option, she probably would have stayed. Charlie had to bribe her with the promise that he'd order her some goodies from Washington that were her favorite and new books. He pulled her up out of the car and into his arms, where he held her tightly as she clung to him. He looked over at me, tears in his eyes as he tried to rein in his emotions, kissed the top of her head.

My dad noticed us first as we made our way in the lobby. He then pulled my mom up and walked over to us. Bella was clinging to my side as her dad held her hand. My dad offered a smile and opened his arms to her, which she gladly went into. All of us then put our arms around her, giving her one giant hug.

It was clear we all needed that, probably as much as she did.

We checked her in, and they immediately took her back. They wanted to tell us to all wait out in the waiting room, but it was my dad and I that finally convinced them to allow us to be with her until she was taken to the operating room itself.

The nurse took her vitals and a few vials of blood, and then had her change into the gown, promising to be back shortly to set her up to the monitors and start an IV.

Bella asked me to stay back to help her into the gown. I turned around while she undressed, and once she said she was ready for me to tie the gown, I turned around to help her. My fingers accidentally brushed her bare back as I tried to get one of the ties. I noticed the shiver and goose bumps that took over her skin. I wanted to touch her skin again, hoping to cause the same reaction, but I knew deep down, it was probably due to nerves, rather than my touch alone.

Everyone returned to the room after I got her situated into the bed. It was so quiet, it seemed we didn't know what to say or do, only that Bella needed us to be there. It didn't matter if we said anything at all; she just needed our presence.

The nurse returned and began to set her up to the heart monitor and pulse ox machine. She then readied the IV, causing Bella to turn away and hold out her arm. I went to her, placing my hands on her face, looked into her eyes and told her she was doing wonderfully, probably way better than any of my patients.

I at least received a smile for that.

Dr. Doukas then came in, followed by Dr. McCarty, who flashed a dimpled grin at Bella. She looked puzzled by seeing another doctor, so I introduced them.

After introductions, Doctor McCarty then came up to Bella's bedside and took her hand. "I'm really here as a favor to Edward, and to assist Dr. Doukas. You mean a lot to Edward, therefore you mean a lot to us in this department. I know you're probably scared and nervous, but you are in the best hands. I can promise you that."

Bella nodded and thanked him, even giving him a smile as well. Doctor Doukas went through the plan and the allotted surgery time, even reiterating that it could take longer. There were things that could crop up, and though he didn't expect something longer than three hours, but he took out five hours on the surgery schedule. He then asked Bella if it came to the a point that he needed to take more than they talked about, if should he go ahead? She shakily nodded yes, and told him that she trusted his judgment.

The doctors left, telling us that she would be taken back in about ten minutes, and to go ahead and say what we needed to. My mom was the first, bending down to Bella, and wrapped her arms around her, kissed her cheek and told her she'd be waiting out in the waiting room.

My dad was next. "You, my dear, will do amazingly and I look forward to seeing you in a few hours. Don't you worry about a thing, okay? We will all be here waiting for you." He then hugged her and whispered something in her ear, which made her laugh and smile. She looked up at him and said thank you, pulling him down to kiss his cheek.

Her dad stepped up and I could tell he was a ball of emotions, trying so hard to keep them all at bay, and failing. Bella pulled him down and hugged him, telling him not to cry, that he'd make her cry and no one wanted that. She also reminded him of his promise out in the car, and that he'd better get on that. He left the room before he could break down even further, blew her a kiss before leaving through the curtain.

I was last, and I didn't know what to say or how to feel. I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and not let go. Instead, I bent down and kissed her, long and slow. Savoring every movement of our lips and breath shared. I wrapped my arms around her the best I could, hugging her tightly. The nurse interrupted my final moments with her as she readied Bella's bed to take her to the OR. I squeezed her hand before I turned and began to leave. I looked back and said, "I think you should know that I love you, and I'll see you in a few hours." I blew her one last kiss.

***.***

The first hour went by agonizingly slow. I tried to read, but it didn't hold my attention long at all. Charlie brought us all some coffee, which settled in my stomach like a rock.

The second hour was even worse. I couldn't stop watching the clock, even though I knew she still had a while to go yet.

The third hour came and went with no news.

The fourth hour brought on pacing. I was anxiously pulling at my hair, asking my dad repeatedly why it was taking so long. He couldn't offer me any reassurance. The worry on his face gave him away. Half way through the fourth hour, Charlie's phone went off. I could tell immediately that it was Renee calling. He told her she was still in surgery, and that he promised to call her once she was awake. Renee, in my opinion, had it easiest. She wasn't as worried and close to it as we were, but on the other hand, she was missing out on being there for her only child.

The fifth hour came and I was falling apart inside. Every possible scenario flashed through my mind, which didn't help things. At all. Especially since I was a doctor. All the worst possible scenarios stayed at the top of my thoughts.

_What if she crashed on the table? What if they can't bring her back? What if I've somehow lost her before we really began? I can't lose her. Just not possible._

Finally, thirty minutes into the fifth hour, doctor McCarty finally came through the double doors, looking the most stressed I've ever seen him before. We all stood up, my mom grasped mine and Charlie's hands as my dad placed his hands on my shoulders.

"We just wrapped up. Dr. Doukas is closing her up right now. We ran into a few unexpected problems, but know that she is okay and did wonderfully. We did take the right ovary, Fallopian tube and a third of her uterus, which was more than we had wanted to. Dr. Doukas wavered on taking the left ovary, but he hopes the chemo will get rid of the pre-cells that we saw. After that, we did notice something on her liver, so we ended up taking that little part for biopsy, as well. We're hoping it hasn't spread. Though, if chemo doesn't take care of the left ovary, she'll face another surgery. Anyway, she should be on her way to recovery now." Dr. McCarty then went back through the double doors, returning to the OR.

***.***

It took another hour and a half before a nurse came back to get us to take us back to where Bella was in recovery. She was awake, not completely coherent when we entered the room, but smiled at us nonetheless. A short time later, they came to take her to the room she'd be in for the next week or so. We followed behind, not wanting to be far from her.

Later that afternoon, Bella was more with it and awake when the nurse came in to check on her and take another round of vitals, asking if she needed more pain medicine before she checked Bella's surgery site. She lifted the sheets and gown, making sure not to show anything Bella didn't want to see. But I could tell the moment Bella saw all of the staples and stitches that held her closed.

"H-how..." Bella cleared her throat. "How many?"

"Around forty staples and close to seventy internal stitches," the nurse replied as she changed the dressing."

A sob ripped from Bella as she threw her head back and tears escaped her eyes. I rushed over to her and tried to comfort her as I kissed her tears away.

"I don't think I was ready… didn't think it would be so much..." Bella whispered.

What do you say to that? How could I reply? Because really, how are we ever prepared for things such as this?

The truth is, we never are; we never could be.

***.***

**So, how are you all? Thoughts?**

**If any of you would like to follow me on twitter, you can find me at myheroin1. Thank you for reading. **


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